Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Living in the Land of the Married

Last night I took my youngest to Great Clips for a haircut and it was nice that they have that $7.99 special going on. While I waited for him I knitted and overheard bits and pieces of a cell phone conversation another mom was having, I assume with her husband. He was with their daughter at some athletic event and they were discussing the logistics of picking up kids, etc. All that stuff I always have to figure out and then handle on my own. But while I noticed that aspect of the call what really grabbed my attention was that when she hung up there was no "I love you" as part of the goodbye.

I hear this all the time and it has come to bother me. Last summer, I witnessed over and over one couple's cell phone exchanges at our sons' baseball games. The mom was a talker (and I admit a bit irritating at times) and whenever she called, the dad he would roll his eyes and make negative comments about her after he had hung up. I wanted to scold the guy for his disregard and the fact that both of them had such "take it for granted" attitudes about the other. Okay, she talks on and on in a high-pitched voice but you married her and this is one thing you can overlook and even laugh about rather than insult her behind her back to other parents.

These people don't think about what it would be like not to have their spouses in their lives - small irritations wouldn't seem so big if they'd reflect more on the total picture. I just wish people would demonstrate their love for each other more often and not take their marriages for granted. A little "I love you" before hanging up or an "I appreciate you and thanks for getting little daughter from soccer" would only take a few more seconds. But as I said, these folks aren't in that frame of mind because they haven't had to experience life without a partner. It's kind of too bad that most people won't get what some of us have learned the hard and painful way.

Today I am grateful:

1. That the boys got some nice clothing at Plato's Closet (a used clothing store for teens). I'm not sure I'll go back to paying full price for new clothes when you can find brand name stuff for $6.00 at a used clothing store.
2. For being able to see the "bigger picture."
3. That the boys were patient in waiting for "new" clothes until we could better afford them.
4. That the boys are willing to get their clothes from a used clothing store (in fact, it is where they asked to go).
5. That the boys understand the "bigger picture" too.


  1. Your boys are wonderful. Obviously you have done a great job with them.

    My ex husband never said, "I love you." I asked him once why and he said, "I told you that the day we got married. Why do I have to say it again." Obvious why he is my ex?

  2. It bugs me too when I see couples taking each other for granted. I want them to see the picture I see, but without having to look in the rear view mirror as I do. I wish I had been a better husband to my wife. I cherish that our last weeks together were some of the best.

    Your words really reached out to me today. Thank you.

  3. To Jude - Thank you for the compliment about my boys. I've gotten to the point where I tell them and others in my life "I love you" whenever I can - I have to do it. I think we should take both of our ex's and put them in a bag and shake them up a bit. Withholding conversation and words is a form of emotional abuse to some extent.

    To The Widower Dad - I'm glad my words reached out to you. I too have regrets that I was not always the best wife to my husband over the course of our relationship. But I take solace in the fact that when it most mattered, I was by his side. No marriage is perfect. We did the best we could at the time.

  4. Yeah, that's one thing I've learned: Say "I love you" every chance you get. Gavin died slowly, and I said it every day; but my father had a heart attack on the street 14 years ago and I'm still glad I had seen him a few weeks prior. Those words look much clearer and more important in the rear view, as TWD says.