I picked up my possessions from my ex-husband's house yesterday and had an opportunity to briefly speak with him. We probably talked about 20 minutes - I could have used an hour. So much is still left unsaid. But I did get to convey a few of my sentiments and that is very important to me.
This is a terribly difficult and strange ending because it is apparent we still have strong feelings for one another. My ex-husband disclosed that he could not handle the financial strain of running two households and threw in the towel. He also admitted difficulties with my two teens (the problems in coming in as a stepdad to raise two boys who have been fatherless for some time). He told me that love is not enough. I guess I always thought it was - and if you had love, everything else could be worked out in the end. In my mind there were more positives than negatives with our marriage.
That we left one another with a hug and kiss means more to me than anything. I feel a small bit of healing and hope in regard to moving forward. There was so much anger between us combined with the total lack of communication. I would have been completely devastated if that had been how we said our final goodbye (silent and angry). I wish this wasn't the ending that has been written for this story. It is like coming to the last chapter of a book that I want to keep going. It is over, finished but I don't want it to be. Now I have to wait for the sequel or pick up a new book to start reading. This one is written and complete.
Today I am grateful:
1. For the opportunity to say goodbye.
2. That my ex did not refuse to talk to me and he even let me in the house!
3. For the love my ex and I shared.
4. For everything my ex did for me to assist us financially.
5. For the man my ex is (both good qualities and those more challenging - I am grateful to have known him as he is).