I, of course asked my son about his buying dinner for the homeless guy. He didn't think it was that much of a big deal, which is why he didn't tell me about it.
Coming home from football practice, he noticed the 30ish looking man holding a sign asking to work for food. Since the man was near a McDonald's, my son thought about him as he passed by and turned around at the stoplight. Pulling up alongside the man, he offered to buy the man dinner. I figured my son went through the drive through window to get the guy something, but no, he wanted the man to eat what he wanted so they went in together and he had the man order for himself - Big Mac, fries and a shake.
Then my son sat down with the man for a while. He learned the man was from Minnesota and had lost his job about a year ago and then his home. He is traveling down to the south where he knows someone he can live with but ran out of money. So, he is currently living in his car while trying to work for gas/food. I asked my son if he knew where the man had worked but he hadn't inquired. I was also curious if he had found out how many people actually help this guy. My son replied that it is pretty hit or miss, not consistent assistance from the public.
Thinking about this incident made me feel high all weekend. My son just shrugs his shoulders and takes it for granted. "I had a few extra bucks on me," he explained. It is no big deal what he did for a man out on the street down on his luck. I worry about the fact that I only have a mere seven cents left in the checking account and payday is still two weeks away! I am scouring my belongings for something I can bring to the pawn shop (I still have some gold rings that have been "lost" in the move). I hope my son's act of kindness is returned back to us in the next couple of days. I try to keep in good spirits despite our own hardship. Perhaps instead of a sign offering to work for food, I can sell hand knitted pot holders on the street corner? They'll start referring me to the "Pot Holder Lady." I AM KIDDING - kind of...
My son took the values I have always believed in myself - helping those less fortunate - it is why I chose a career in social services. I wrote in my last post that it looks as though those values (apples) didn't fall far from the tree because he has internalized them. Those apples were baked into an apple pie, the aroma warming my heart all weekend long. I am counting on that pie to give me strength through the rest of the month. Would my son have done the same if my husband hadn't died, and we were still living in our home and not facing such financial hardship ourselves - my guess is probably. But this pie tastes all the more sweeter because my son's action came from a deeper and more profound place of understanding.
Showing posts with label reflecting on the less fortunate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflecting on the less fortunate. Show all posts
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Falling Apples
Tonight was Senior Farewell Night at the football game. The parents line up with with their son and the names are announced over the stadium speaker. The principal shakes your hand and the moms get a flower with a ribbon in the school colors. Pictures are taken, etc. I've been dreading this event the past months but it went by in such a quick blur I survived it! I was given a really nice laminated large photo of my son in his football uniform.
It was cold and my son said he wouldn't be playing since they changed the lineup and in order to win this crucial game put in bigger guys in my son's place. So I didn't stay the whole game which we thankfully won! I went home for some dinner, a nice warm cup of black bean soup with some cheese and crackers.
I was spending some time on the computer since it can be hard to get online when the boys are home. For the heck of it I looked up a Facebook comment made on my son's page from a few days back. I had no idea this happened but he wrote that he had passed a homeless man holding a sign that said he would work for food. So my son stopped at a McDonald's and bought the man a dinner. The man cried when my son gave him the meal and shook his hand. My son said it made him feel better than he had in a long time. One of my son's teachers commented that he was proud of him. I was floored, especially since I had no idea this happened. And my sons and I are pretty tight/close in talking to one another. I am surprised he didn't say anything to me.
A couple days ago my youngest cashed his work paycheck and asked me to take him to the dollar store so he could buy a hat for winter that he had seen. He also needed deodorant and body wash that he bought himself. As we left the parking lot, I too noticed two homeless guys with signs. I only had a few dollars change on me but pulled around and went back to them. My youngest asked what I was doing. I told him that I don't have much to give but they looked like they needed help more than we did. So we stopped and I gave the guys a few dollars.
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
My handsome son made me proud tonight because of his athletic leadership which was stressed as the boys were introduced. But I wish that announcer could have told everyone what he did a few days ago in buying a meal for a man in need of some food. Especially when we are struggling ourselves and my son surely would have enjoyed a fast food meal himself since we so rarely get them now.
For a few brief moments tonight I made a quick call to the heavens telling my husband I wished he was on the field beside me to share this moment. I hope he was also witness to the goodness in my son's soul as he pulled into that McDonald's.
It was cold and my son said he wouldn't be playing since they changed the lineup and in order to win this crucial game put in bigger guys in my son's place. So I didn't stay the whole game which we thankfully won! I went home for some dinner, a nice warm cup of black bean soup with some cheese and crackers.
I was spending some time on the computer since it can be hard to get online when the boys are home. For the heck of it I looked up a Facebook comment made on my son's page from a few days back. I had no idea this happened but he wrote that he had passed a homeless man holding a sign that said he would work for food. So my son stopped at a McDonald's and bought the man a dinner. The man cried when my son gave him the meal and shook his hand. My son said it made him feel better than he had in a long time. One of my son's teachers commented that he was proud of him. I was floored, especially since I had no idea this happened. And my sons and I are pretty tight/close in talking to one another. I am surprised he didn't say anything to me.
A couple days ago my youngest cashed his work paycheck and asked me to take him to the dollar store so he could buy a hat for winter that he had seen. He also needed deodorant and body wash that he bought himself. As we left the parking lot, I too noticed two homeless guys with signs. I only had a few dollars change on me but pulled around and went back to them. My youngest asked what I was doing. I told him that I don't have much to give but they looked like they needed help more than we did. So we stopped and I gave the guys a few dollars.
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
My handsome son made me proud tonight because of his athletic leadership which was stressed as the boys were introduced. But I wish that announcer could have told everyone what he did a few days ago in buying a meal for a man in need of some food. Especially when we are struggling ourselves and my son surely would have enjoyed a fast food meal himself since we so rarely get them now.
For a few brief moments tonight I made a quick call to the heavens telling my husband I wished he was on the field beside me to share this moment. I hope he was also witness to the goodness in my son's soul as he pulled into that McDonald's.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Taking Stock
I spent a little time yesterday going online and typing in the search descriptions "Surviving poverty" and "Becoming poor." I have been looking for a book along the lines of one of the Dummie titles - "How to be Poor, For Dummies" but haven't come across one. Yes, I need a guidebook for helping me get through this stretch of life.
My short research session was productive. Not in terms of providing me with any great new ideas for living on a very small income - I seem to be limping along here on my own fairly decently. But more productive in terms of changing my mindset.
For one thing, although we are probably what would be defined as poor, we are still not below that level of poverty where it would be impossible to be surviving right now. Granted, there is no extra money for anything much beyond the necessities but we are not homeless. We have never had to resort to eating bread soaked in milk which was one of the meals suggested for eating when there isn't any food in the pantry. Yuck!
I had the recent luxury of reading the classic tale of Madame Bovary in the comfort of a warm bed. Now I could still have read Madame Bovary as a homeless person, but the experience would not have been as pleasant.
Living in this Mecca of upper-middle class suburbia, poverty has always been hidden. And as a formerly financially comfortable middle-class mom, I am floundering to some extent into having been forced into a way of life that is unknown and challenging. Even more so when dealing with all of this alone. But in reading some of the encounters I came across, I am now more aware of the widespread nature of financial difficulties facing many good folks across the nation. Many whom are struggling because of job-loss circumstances.
It is interesting that I am finding many connections between grief and financial stress. I could come up with a long list but for now will just mention how both can make you feel invisible, inferior and like a second class citizen. There is also the factor of being in a down position and needing to ask for help. Living in a country based on self-sufficiency it can seem impossible to suddenly be thrust into a position where you have to speak up for yourself. The sad part is that when you do, you're looked down on. The stigma of being poor carries with it so much shame. To have to hold your head up when someone is looking at you with contempt and as if you were contagious is indescribable. My short foray into this world had shown me that few people have sympathy for those hard on their luck. "They got what they deserved because of their bad choices or lifestyle" seems to be the prevailing attitude. Or "If they had worked harder they wouldn't be in this mess." What I am really seeing is that underneath our layers of clothing, all of us are pretty much the same. We don't want a free ride and we want to work and contribute. We want a better life for our children and along the way we want to experience love and a little happiness.
It is absolutely crummy to not be able to travel anywhere or go out to eat. And there is a great deal of worry involved with juggling bills around and not having anything set aside for emergencies, much less figuring out how two kids will go to college in a couple of years. I'm not even going to bring up health insurance and medical worries here on top of everything else. But what I was left with after my research session was that most of those who related their stories of struggle went on to overcome them. They never forgot the hardship but their lives improved. No doubt ours will become substantially better as soon as I start working again. In the mean time, I am going to choose to view my circumstances as "Our Frugal Period" rather that one including the words " poor, impoverished or poverty."
It's okay. There are a lot of us out there right now being frugal.
I am grateful:
1. For a safe place to live.
2. For the safe, picturesque and pleasant community that surrounds our home.
3. For clam chowder soup.
4. That spring is on its way - Easter stuff is now up in the stores!
5. For all the sales and bargains I come across that make being frugal easier.
My short research session was productive. Not in terms of providing me with any great new ideas for living on a very small income - I seem to be limping along here on my own fairly decently. But more productive in terms of changing my mindset.
For one thing, although we are probably what would be defined as poor, we are still not below that level of poverty where it would be impossible to be surviving right now. Granted, there is no extra money for anything much beyond the necessities but we are not homeless. We have never had to resort to eating bread soaked in milk which was one of the meals suggested for eating when there isn't any food in the pantry. Yuck!
I had the recent luxury of reading the classic tale of Madame Bovary in the comfort of a warm bed. Now I could still have read Madame Bovary as a homeless person, but the experience would not have been as pleasant.
Living in this Mecca of upper-middle class suburbia, poverty has always been hidden. And as a formerly financially comfortable middle-class mom, I am floundering to some extent into having been forced into a way of life that is unknown and challenging. Even more so when dealing with all of this alone. But in reading some of the encounters I came across, I am now more aware of the widespread nature of financial difficulties facing many good folks across the nation. Many whom are struggling because of job-loss circumstances.
It is interesting that I am finding many connections between grief and financial stress. I could come up with a long list but for now will just mention how both can make you feel invisible, inferior and like a second class citizen. There is also the factor of being in a down position and needing to ask for help. Living in a country based on self-sufficiency it can seem impossible to suddenly be thrust into a position where you have to speak up for yourself. The sad part is that when you do, you're looked down on. The stigma of being poor carries with it so much shame. To have to hold your head up when someone is looking at you with contempt and as if you were contagious is indescribable. My short foray into this world had shown me that few people have sympathy for those hard on their luck. "They got what they deserved because of their bad choices or lifestyle" seems to be the prevailing attitude. Or "If they had worked harder they wouldn't be in this mess." What I am really seeing is that underneath our layers of clothing, all of us are pretty much the same. We don't want a free ride and we want to work and contribute. We want a better life for our children and along the way we want to experience love and a little happiness.
It is absolutely crummy to not be able to travel anywhere or go out to eat. And there is a great deal of worry involved with juggling bills around and not having anything set aside for emergencies, much less figuring out how two kids will go to college in a couple of years. I'm not even going to bring up health insurance and medical worries here on top of everything else. But what I was left with after my research session was that most of those who related their stories of struggle went on to overcome them. They never forgot the hardship but their lives improved. No doubt ours will become substantially better as soon as I start working again. In the mean time, I am going to choose to view my circumstances as "Our Frugal Period" rather that one including the words " poor, impoverished or poverty."
It's okay. There are a lot of us out there right now being frugal.
I am grateful:
1. For a safe place to live.
2. For the safe, picturesque and pleasant community that surrounds our home.
3. For clam chowder soup.
4. That spring is on its way - Easter stuff is now up in the stores!
5. For all the sales and bargains I come across that make being frugal easier.
Monday, January 18, 2010
A Test And Life
I took my state certification exam for the nursing assistant program on Saturday. I am thankful it is over because I was getting pretty tired of studying. The fact that the boys had finals last week and I had this made for an emotionally draining week overall. Following are my observations from the test day:
1. I felt a sense of pride at having completed the CNA program. The test was the final loose end to complete. Whenever one finishes a project or course of study, there is that sense of satisfaction at having seen it through to the end.
2. There were many folks taking the test a good 10-15 years older than I am so that made me feel as though I am not the only one out there scrambling to get a foot in the door by studying for a short-term certificate.
3. One of my fellow classmates told me that her friend with a master's in psych. has been out of work for some time as a marriage and family therapist. I asked her what the friend has been doing and she said nothing. So again, I felt good that I took the needed steps to make myself more marketable with the current economy. It also made me realize that I'm not the only person out there with an advanced/specialized degree encountering trouble finding full-time employment.
4. This same classmate brought up another woman from our class. She asked me if I knew that she and her family, totaling nine people, all live together in a two-bedroom apartment. I knew this woman had remarried and her three children joined the four of her new husband but I had thought they lived in a home. I replied, "How can they do it?" and my classmate said, "They make it work." Hearing this story made me realize that there are others out there making sacrifices. The reason this even came up was that I made a comment about how lovely this woman's daughter is, a recent high school grad. The mom and her daughter took the CNA course together and now the daughter is enrolled in a nursing program. So despite her having shared a very small residence with her large family, she turned out from all indications to be well adjusted and productive.
5. A mini drama unfolded as we were all admitted into the large testing room. A poor young woman rushed in late clutching her car insurance card. She explained that she had just lost her driver's license, which she was going to use as a picture ID - she did not have any other photo ID. It was explained to her that without a current photo ID she could not be admitted to take the test but would have to do so next month. It was sad to see this young woman crying as she was almost physically forced from the area - she wouldn't stop pleading or explaining. As I saw her I thought how terrible the situation must seem for her at the moment. But that life would go on and that she will reapply for the test and simply have to retake it in February. I certainly felt her despair but was able to look past it and see that in the grand scheme of things, yes, it is a setback but not as terrible a one that really could be.
6. There were one or two questions I did not have a clue how to answer on the test and a couple that I didn't think were well written - I thought all of the answers were incorrect! Of course, I did my best to select what I felt was the best response. Bottom line - sometimes I won't know the right answer, sometimes all the available responses will look wrong but I still have to pick one. And after doing so it is best to not dwell on what was picked and to believe that it was correct and the outcome will be all good!
7. In the parking lot while circling for a space , a college student backed into the front side of my van as she pulled out. This was totally her error (she didn't see me) and except for a slightly bent hubcap, I didn't see or believe there to be any damage so I let it go. Filling out a report would have made me miss the test, although looking back it probably should have been done. I did take down the terrified girl's information. In the past, I've let occurrences like this go. It just made me reflect on the reality that sometimes it is not us, nothing we've done or not done - it is something that happens because of someone else and there really wasn't anything that could have been done about it.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Liveable winter weather
2. The trees I saw covered with a dusting of snow that looked like they had been dipped in powder sugar
3. The white and blue lights on some trees left over from holiday displays, still lit in some office complexes - they are so pretty in a wintry way
4. Toasted English muffins spread with butter and orange marmalade
5. The spotless bathroom at the very clean rest stop I went to this morning
1. I felt a sense of pride at having completed the CNA program. The test was the final loose end to complete. Whenever one finishes a project or course of study, there is that sense of satisfaction at having seen it through to the end.
2. There were many folks taking the test a good 10-15 years older than I am so that made me feel as though I am not the only one out there scrambling to get a foot in the door by studying for a short-term certificate.
3. One of my fellow classmates told me that her friend with a master's in psych. has been out of work for some time as a marriage and family therapist. I asked her what the friend has been doing and she said nothing. So again, I felt good that I took the needed steps to make myself more marketable with the current economy. It also made me realize that I'm not the only person out there with an advanced/specialized degree encountering trouble finding full-time employment.
4. This same classmate brought up another woman from our class. She asked me if I knew that she and her family, totaling nine people, all live together in a two-bedroom apartment. I knew this woman had remarried and her three children joined the four of her new husband but I had thought they lived in a home. I replied, "How can they do it?" and my classmate said, "They make it work." Hearing this story made me realize that there are others out there making sacrifices. The reason this even came up was that I made a comment about how lovely this woman's daughter is, a recent high school grad. The mom and her daughter took the CNA course together and now the daughter is enrolled in a nursing program. So despite her having shared a very small residence with her large family, she turned out from all indications to be well adjusted and productive.
5. A mini drama unfolded as we were all admitted into the large testing room. A poor young woman rushed in late clutching her car insurance card. She explained that she had just lost her driver's license, which she was going to use as a picture ID - she did not have any other photo ID. It was explained to her that without a current photo ID she could not be admitted to take the test but would have to do so next month. It was sad to see this young woman crying as she was almost physically forced from the area - she wouldn't stop pleading or explaining. As I saw her I thought how terrible the situation must seem for her at the moment. But that life would go on and that she will reapply for the test and simply have to retake it in February. I certainly felt her despair but was able to look past it and see that in the grand scheme of things, yes, it is a setback but not as terrible a one that really could be.
6. There were one or two questions I did not have a clue how to answer on the test and a couple that I didn't think were well written - I thought all of the answers were incorrect! Of course, I did my best to select what I felt was the best response. Bottom line - sometimes I won't know the right answer, sometimes all the available responses will look wrong but I still have to pick one. And after doing so it is best to not dwell on what was picked and to believe that it was correct and the outcome will be all good!
7. In the parking lot while circling for a space , a college student backed into the front side of my van as she pulled out. This was totally her error (she didn't see me) and except for a slightly bent hubcap, I didn't see or believe there to be any damage so I let it go. Filling out a report would have made me miss the test, although looking back it probably should have been done. I did take down the terrified girl's information. In the past, I've let occurrences like this go. It just made me reflect on the reality that sometimes it is not us, nothing we've done or not done - it is something that happens because of someone else and there really wasn't anything that could have been done about it.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Liveable winter weather
2. The trees I saw covered with a dusting of snow that looked like they had been dipped in powder sugar
3. The white and blue lights on some trees left over from holiday displays, still lit in some office complexes - they are so pretty in a wintry way
4. Toasted English muffins spread with butter and orange marmalade
5. The spotless bathroom at the very clean rest stop I went to this morning
Friday, January 15, 2010
A Bigger World
I am making the conscious effort to put aside my own challenges today to focus on the earthquake victims in Haiti. Whenever I start reflecting on my own concerns, I want to transcend that level by switching those thoughts toward prayer and good will to the countless others truly suffering. I am very guilty of focusing and dwelling on myself and my little life and situation. It is hard to step out of our zone and go outside of ourselves, especially when life is pretty challenging. But there is a bigger picture and a bigger world. And today I think that the others living on an Island nation far away from my reality need and deserve some of my energy and prayer.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Warm shelter
2. Running water
3. Plumbing
4. Living in a safe community
5. Food in the pantry even if it is a lot of mac & cheese and peanut butter & jelly
Today I am grateful for:
1. Warm shelter
2. Running water
3. Plumbing
4. Living in a safe community
5. Food in the pantry even if it is a lot of mac & cheese and peanut butter & jelly
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