I am feeling drained and spiritless today - it has been a tough week with starting the new job (I haven't worked in three years). The boys had half and full days off this week and their share of after school meets. Much of the focus of this week has been trying to coordinate everyone's schedule. I am feeling rather sad for myself with thoughts of "Is this what I have to look forward to the rest of my life?" Feeling constantly tired and lonely (it is the sleeping alone night after night that really gets to me). This has been a hard life and I want to just hang it up right now. I am of course very happy that I have started working again but in doing so new complications are created. This widowhood life doesn't have many perks to it. And I am still grieving my divorce big time because being remarried represented the start of a new life where I wouldn't have to handle everything on my own. I didn't just lose a man I loved, I also lost an easier life.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Chinese takeout food.
2. Cell phones (so Moms like me have a way to connect with their teenage sons because they cannot be in two places at once).
3. That we have a roof over our heads.
4. The spring blossoms coming out in full force.
5. A working vehicle.