I need to clear some messages from my cell phone because there is no room for people to leave new ones. The problem is that I have great difficulty deleting messages once they are left. This started right after my husband died. I was so struck by the fact that I'd never hear his voice again that I became paranoid about deleting messages, especially from loved ones. To solve the problem I eventually started taping my messages and then deleting them. I'd have a tape for close friends and family and another for acquaintances. That seemed to work for quite some time with the land line phone. I never tried to tape any messages from my cell. I just keep them until I have to delete them and when I do so it is very hard for me - if I never had to delete a message again I'd be happy.
What am I actually thinking here? I know deep down that my saving phone messages won't spare my loved ones from death but somehow part of me must believe that. It is like some misguided insurance policy I have bought into. Even though I know this is silly I still can't seem to stop. Just knowing I have the voices of my loved ones with me provides some kind of comfort.
I think that my distorted thought process just shows how greatly and deeply a death can affect us. My husband's death had a profound impact on me to the extent that I treasure phone messages because it is the voice of someone I love. How could I erase that? Especially because I know that some people aren't with us to ever listen to again.