Burdens Bearing Down

I have contemplated filing for bankruptcy for some time now but have kept putting it off because of fear. Fear and dread that it will end up actually making my future life far more difficult. What I am most concerned about is not being able to rent another apartment. I have done some checking around and the complexes in this area do not rent to those who have filed bankruptcy, including the place I am currently residing. Does anyone know if my current complex can evict me if I file for bankruptcy? My lease is up in September - does the leasing agent run another credit report on me at that time or are leases just renewed automatically if you desire to continue it? I am not late with my rent and have never been behind if that makes a difference.

If I don't file for bankruptcy, then I have to figure out how I will pay for my substantial and past due debt. Some of my debt is with Consumer Credit Counseling but I have one credit card company (Macy's) that has been very difficult to work with. They wanted very high monthly payments that I couldn't swing being unemployed. What if they now sue me? How do I pay a $5,000.00 credit card bill if I don't have the extra money to do so. I suppose they could garnish my future wages but is there a limit how much they can take out each check? Does a judge decide that if Macy's sues me and I have to go to court?

I am just so frightened because of my sole responsibility for the boys. I have no one to fall back on or rely on. It is my reality. I could care less if I had to live in one room in a boarding house but I have to think of the boys -getting them through high school and then college. My stomach is in knots about all this.

I recently read an article that was printed in a local paper depicting the plight of suburban families on the brink of losing everything after a job loss. I know that there are many of us out there, victims of divorce, death of a spouse, unemployment who have fallen on hard times. This is what bugs me - if that is the reality here, where are they all going after a foreclosure? Why are these apartment complexes denying rent to those forced to declare bankruptcy because of legitimate hardship? If I get kicked out/evicted I don't know where I will go - I have no where to go.

It is almost impossible for me to remain cheerful and optimistic as I face these questions everyday on my own. I know there have to be others out there like me in my community (well-educated professionals hard hit by the Recession) but they are hidden. Widowhood is isolating but so is being down on your luck and struggling financially.

Thanks for reading. At least for the time being we have a roof over our heads. I never thought I'd be grateful for living in an apartment but I have come to be grateful for this residence.

I am grateful:

1. For the melting snow.
2. For the shining sun.
3. For the warmer temperatures.
4. For the apartment that shelters us.
5. For the people kind enough and interested to read this.