Sunday, November 1, 2009

When it Rains it Pours

I find weeks like the one I've just survived, challenging for me. I think the widowhood component really plays a hand in it all. Juggling too many things, physically and emotionally tired, not getting enough sleep, "only" parenting, worrying on top of everything.

Last Sunday I spent the day at the storage shed and dropped a heavy box on my right foot. I've been in significant pain since and have had to wear a slipper, as my foot and toes are swollen and terribly bruised. I went to the doctor who wanted me to get an x-ray but the week has been so crazy I've skipped that. I started my Certified Nursing Training, with classes meeting an hour away Tue., Wed. and Thur. during the day. Then on Tue. night my oldest had a band concert. I drove my son's drum set to guyfriend's house because it took up so much space in the storage shed. That took two trips (two evenings since he lives an hour and 15 minutes away). In my free time I read the text book and studied for an exam. And I met with my attorney to discuss the option of filing for bankruptcy and I delivered various tax and financial documents. As if all this wasn't enough, I had to give the apt. a good cleaning because they were doing a maintenance check on Wed. and would come in while I was in class - I hate that - not being home when someone will be there! But wait there's more! The "Service Engine Soon" light keeps popping up on and off when I drive my car, so just something else to toss on the plate to worry about.

But the real kicker was helping guyfriend move 4 hours out-of-state. We did it ourselves (to save money) starting on Friday morning. Packed up his entire little house and carried all his furniture in the rain to the truck. His home is actually smaller than my apartment and it was a good thing that he was kind of living like a bachelor. As in a lot of divorces, his ex kept everything and he just picked up used furniture and such at garage sales (except for the electronics and computers which are all new, big and hard to carry). We unloaded the beds and put together the king size one so we could sleep on it Friday night. Again, it was raining and cold (there were even snow flurries mixed in with the rain). The 4 hour drive took 5 hours because we had to drive through rain and wind.

The next morning we quickly finished unloading the truck. Although it was cold, the sun was out. Guyfriend rented a nice and cozy one-level home with a finished basement (3 bedrooms). The landlords are a delighful older couple and the woman hugged me upon meeting me. The neighborhood is modest but very well-kept and cute. The high school is two blocks away. Guyfriend's new job is 5 minutes away.

I was a bit resentful helping guyfriend with his move because I felt that he had kind of wimped out in helping me with mine and believe me, my move was pretty major - I've got stuff in 3 storage sheds that I'm trying to consolidate and it took the movers 2 days to complete! Talk about stressful and exhausting! I talked to guyfrind about this, also telling him that I was giving up the only two days I had off to work in the storage sheds to assist him. It didn't help that I had a bum toe and foot either. Then because it was Halloween the boys had a lot of activites scheduled and I insisted they find friends to sleep over at since I'd be out of town on Friday night. But that was just another aspect of the scheduling logistics needed. I suppose some of my resentment also stems from the fact that when I help someone like this it is at a cost to myself and my family. Two days away from the homefront and things start to fall apart. Guyfriend doesn't have to make arrangements for his son or to worry about him while he is away - just another piece of the widowhood puzzle that rears its ugly head, especially when I'm interacting with someone who doesn't face the same parenting challenges.

Guyfriend's training schedule necessitated that he make this move so quickly. He also wanted his home empty for the new renters he hopes to get for his place. He needed to fly out for training in Detroit today where he'll be for a week. He comes back next Sunday but flies out again for another week in Detroit after a week at this home base. It was just all so rushed and crazy. But we got it done - and we talked through my resentment and he listened and heard me and acknowledged me. We also talked about my moving to be with him and get married but he accepted that it is a hard situation for me. He told me he hopes I will do so because we make a "good couple" and we will have a good life together. I will always be welcome in his home, even if I can't move right away. He is not going to force or try to pressure me, which is exactly the opposite of how Husband #2 reacted.

We were a good team together this weekend. We get along so well and even when I am terribly upset, we work out the issue. Despite the hard, physical labor of moving, we had fun together and as always I enjoy just being in his company. I got home Saturday night and picked up my youngest from a Halloween party around 10. I was so beat and drained. It was fortunate that the time was put back and I could gain an hour of sleep because I had to be at my clinical this morning at 7 a.m. and only got about 5 hours of sleep. My foot is still swollen so I had to wear a different shoe to the clinical and I feared I'd have to cancel and make it up. But I got through it and am so glad my first week of class is over - just 4 to go! I feel a sense of accomplishment for all that I achieved this week. After I got home this afternoon I put in 3 hours at the storage shed and have finally made a dent and enough space so I can start transferring things from one of the other sheds tomorrow.

I still have to figure out what we are going to do about moving with the boys. I talked with them today and both want to complete high school here. I pointed out that we will still be financially strained here but the social aspects and potential scholarships their coaches are pursuing for them seem to be the great draw. Guyfriend told me if we stay, he can have "visitation" with me every other weekend.

Right now I am tired again and going to bed early to try and make up some sleep. I am sore and I miss guyfriend. He is now 4 hours away and that is pretty far.


  1. Yikes, that sounds like one hell of a week. I hope your foot heals quickly and you have a few calmer days to regroup.

  2. i agree with Vanessa, one hell of a week. what did your guyfriend say when you told him what you had given up to help him move but that you felt he had wimped out for your move? i guess it's a good thing for you to hear that he isn't cutting you out of his life? he wants to have "visitation" every other weekend. maybe he will be able to hang on until both you and your boys are ready for another big change, like marriage and another move.

  3. Guyfriend "got" why I was resentful - he has always understood me, unlike Husband #1 which is why I really don't want to lose him. But he has a lot on his plate too so I tried not to dwell on the matter - it wouldn't have helped either of us. I am going to talk to the boys' school counselor for her opinion from the educational standpoint of moving right now. But you said it so perfectly - I am not ready right now for another major change - I am still unpacking the apartment - I just can't muster up all that is needed for it. You realize this - thank you for putting my reservations into words. I'm just not ready - too much has happened - the dust needs to settle. There has to be a period of relative stability and calm. I wish it weren't so but this is what is right now and it has to be faced - I can't make it into something it is not. Nor can I be someone else. Maybe another woman could just pack up ship and move - but I don't have that personality and I am unable to disregard what is best for my sons.

    You've made me feel a bit better and I'll go out and face this day with more resolve!

  4. كشف تسربات المياه شركة المستقبل
    الأضرار الناجمة عن المياه يبدو مسألة تافهة في البداية ولكن ينبغي أن تؤخذ الاحتياطات الشديد إذا وجدت أي تسرب كبيرة أو العفن. هذه الأنواع من الأضرار شائعة في كل منزل، وأنها سهلة جدا لاستعادة في المراحل المبكرة. إذا تركت دون معالجة لفترة طويلة، هذه التسريبات صغيرة تؤدي إلى ضرر أكبر مثل سقف تسربت أو العفن الأرض.
    كشف تسربات المياه
    بمجرد أن يحدث هذا الضرر، فإن الخيار الوحيد المتبقي هو لاستئجار فقدان مقيم جيد وشركة ترميم وتنظيف المنزل افسدت. أعمال
    شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض الترميم ليس فقط يهدر لك المال بشق الانفس ولكن أيضا إلى إهدار وقتك الثمين الذي يضيع مرة واحدة لا يمكن استردادها. ولذلك فمن الأفضل دائما للحفاظ على منزلك آمنة ومأمونة من مثل هذه التسريبات واتخاذ إجراءات فورية عند أي تسرب في العثور عليها.
    شركة كشف تسربات المياه
    الخيار الأفضل لمنع منزلك من تسرب المياه الاكتشاف المبكر لمثل هذه القضايا. ويمكن القيام بذلك عن طريق استخدام نظام جيد الكشف عن تسرب المياه. ويمكن لهذه الأنظمة أن تكون مساعدة حقيقية بالنسبة لك إذا لم يكن لديك الوقت للمنزل أو كنت في جولة (بعيدا عن المنزل) في كثير من الأحيان. أساسا هناك نوعان من أنظمة الكشف عن التسرب، وأنظمة فعالة وأنظمة السلبي.
    افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه
    1. أنظمة النشطة
    هذه الأنظمة تجعل ضجيج ينذر بالخطر عندما تحصل على اتصال من الماء. ناقوس الخطر ليس فقط ولكن لديهم وظائف من وقف تدفق المياه في حال تم الكشف عن التسريبات. هذا هو ميزة إضافية في حال كنت خارج المنزل. عادة مثل هذه الأجهزة تستخدم أجهزة استشعار الرطوبة التي يمكن الشعور كمية صغيرة جدا من الماء أيضا.
    كشف تسرب المياه الكترونيا
    2. نظم السلبي
    هذه الأنظمة فقط توليد نغمة مزعجة عندما كشف عن تسرب المياه. اعتمادا على نموذج بعض أجهزة الكشف عن تسرب سلبية جديدة أيضا وجود أضواء فلاش LED. خلافا للأنظمة النشطة، وهذه عادة ما تكون بطارية تعمل، فعالة من حيث التكلفة وحدات قائمة بذاتها وأنها لا تحتاج إلى أي أدوات خاصة لتركيب ويمكن تركيبها على أنها "تفعل ذلك بنفسك" من دون مساعدة من أي سباك أو الخبير الآخر.
    كشف تسربات المياه ببريدة
    كشف التسربات بالقصيم
    شركة كشف تسربات المياه بعنيزة
    أنظمة الكشف عن تسرب المياه ليس فقط تخبرك عن تسريبات في المراحل السابقة، وأنها تساعد أيضا في توفير المياه. وبالنظر إلى الزيادة في عدد السكان بسرعة مخيفة، وتوفير المياه هو الحاجة من الزمن. هناك العديد من الأماكن التي يوجد فيها نقص في المياه والناس السفر الطويل للمياه. يمكن للكشف عن تسرب تكون مساعدة حقيقية في إعلام تسرب المياه في المراحل المبكرة ليس فقط توفير المياه الثمينة ولكن أيضا منع الفترة من الأضرار المياه.