Yesterday, I spent the majority of the day at the storage sheds, moving items from one into the one I just cleaned and organized. By day's end, I was utterly physically exhausted and also depressed. It was long, tedious work and during the process, I just kept seeing all my pretty things in such a cramped and ugly setting. Pretty things aren't so pretty anymore when they're stacked up in a concrete, cold, garage. I thought a lot about moving from our home and that brought on feelings of sadness.
The day's work was in such contrast to the actual day. Very breezy but warmer and sunnier than what we have had. I certainly did not want to be breaking my back on such a rare late autumn day - but first things first. You have to do what needs to get done. Afterward, there was grocery shopping, monitoring the boys as they went out and doing laundry. I felt out of it and so tired I could barely stand.
This morning my low feelings continue. I have to work the afternoon until 8:00 p.m., which I am not looking forward to because I still cannot wear a closed shoe comfortably on my right foot. But really, I just don't want to go. I want to play hooky and have a few hours to myself to think, reflect and contemplate a move and marriage. And to have time to not think, reflect and contemplate all that.
I woke up before 6:00 to get my son off to his club volleyball tournament and then did the homework for my clinical tomorrow. Laundry is being done and I'll make chili for the boys to have for dinner. As I do all this I've been fighting my sadness but then thought why shouldn't I be sad right now? Working on the storage sheds probably triggered it but there are other reasons to be sad too - lack of free time, being tired, juggling only parenting with a job and school, worrying about finances and figuring out what is best for all of us in regard to moving. And there is still that remaining undercurrent about my husband's death and the divorce. Today I just told myself that it is okay to feel sad - even with it being another nice late autumn day (a rarity).
Today I am grateful for:
1. The fine fall day.
2. That I found my son's extra pair of volleyball shorts in the dryer from last night where they'd been left (good thing I did another load of laundry in the morning).
3. Having a storage shed to put my belongings in that don't fit into the apartment.
4. That I have extra belongings to put into a storage shed.
5. That I can walk despite having had a box fall on my foot.