Friday, November 6, 2009

Dinner Around the Kitchen Table

I am feeling utterly drained. I don't think I've restored myself from helping Guyfriend (GF) move last weekend. Going to school four days a week is more tiring than I expected. There is homework and tests to study for, as well as reading. I am finding that my mind works more slowly than it did some years ago - or maybe the fatigue has a contibuting factor.

The drive to school is about an hour each way - lots of time to think and reflect. Especially on the situation of moving and marriage. I am wondering if all that reflection is also adding to my feelings of exhaustion. Everything is coming down at once! GF has been at his new job training in Detroit this week. I asked him what are some of the things he has been learning and he mentioned open and closed communication which is pretty funny because we also talked about that in my classes this week too! GF told me that he listed me as his emergency contact with the title of fiance. I laughed about that because he has never formally asked me to marry him. Rather, he has said that we will get married in December if I move. I don't doubt his feelings for me or his honorable intentions in the least. He is the real deal - genuine, honest and true to his word. Probably a good guy to have around when the going gets tough.

One thought has kept coming back to me over and over this week. My mind reviews the movie in my head titled, "The Widowhood Years" and what makes me most sad out of everything is that in these years, my sons and I have rarely eaten together as a family around a table. The last year of my husband's life, we got into this habit of eating dinner in the van on the way to see him in the hospital (to save time, convenience, etc.). After his death, we started eating in front of the t.v., or I'd make and serve dinner at odd hours because of sports, or we'd eat at the location of the sporting event we were at. Later, when my parents became so ill, we sometimes ate with my mom or I ate on my own and the boys ate beforehand. Just a mishmosh of throwing together meals, a lot of times on the fly.

I guess I equate the dinners the four of us used to share around a table, like a normal family with what is normal and should be for children to experience growing up. After my husband's death there was no normal. I know there are lots of ways to parent, lots of ways to live, lots of way to do things. There are probably a fair number of intact families out there eating around the t.v. most nights. But that was not what I ever expected would happen to us. Certainly not from a dedicated mom with her master's in psych. - of all moms, I knew better.

But as we all know, life doesn't go according to plan and we end up doing the best we can with the situation we face. And that leaves me today, a tired, depleted, middle-aged mom with a chance again at love struggling with balancing my own needs against what is best for my boys. In any case, for me the toughest grief I have had to face has not been the death of my husband but everything that came afterward as a result of his death. Like the lost routine of eating around the kitchen table.

2 comments:

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  2. شركة تنظيف بالقصيم
    تنظيف الشقق يحتاج إلى عمالة مدربة على أعلى مستوى لتنفيذ العمل بدقة وبكفاءة، وفي شركة المستقبل يتم تقديم خدمة تنظيف الشقق، يتم استخدام عمالة مدربة وكفء تبدأ وتنهي العمل بكفاءة وبأسرع وقت، يتم تنظيف الشقق بعناية فائقة والاهتمام بالتفاصيل الدقيقة في الشقة.
    شركة تنظيف ببريدة
    شركة تنظيف فلل بالقصيم
    شركة تنظيف منازل بعنيزة
    يتم تنظيف المفروشات بالمنظفات الخاصة بها والتي تحافظ عليها وتزيل الأتربة والبقع المختلفة بدون إتلاف المفروشات، يتم استخدام المنظفات القوية على الأوساخ والصدأ والدهون المختلفة التي تتواجد في الحمامات والمطابخ والأماكن المختلفة، يتم الاهتمام بكل ركن وجزء في الشقة والوصول إلى الأماكن التي يصعب الوصول إليها، ويتم أيضا التنظيف والتعقيم للأماكن والمفروشات المتواجدة في المنزل، وفي النهاية يتم استلام الشقة في أفضل صورة نظيفة ورائحتها جميلة.
    شركة تنظيف شقق بالقصيم
    شركة تنظيف منازل بالقصيم
    شركة تنظيف منازل ببريدة
    يتم في شركة المستقبل استخدام تقنيات مختلفة وحديثة مخصصة لكل جزء في الشقة، فيتم استخدام تقنيات خاصة لتنظيف الانتريهات، ويتم استخدام تقنيات أخرى لتنظيف الموكيتات والسجاد، ويتم استخدام تقنيات وأساليب وأدوات وطرق حديثة لتنظيف الشقق والاهتمام بها، ويتم تدريب مستخدمين هذه التقنيات والأساليب ليتم العمل على مستوى أعلى ويتم تنفيذ العمل بكفاءة أعلى وبأسرع وقت.

    شركة المستقبل هي شركة رائدة في مجال تنظيف الشقق، الشركة متخصصة في التنظيف والاهتمام بالشقق، فالشركة لديها خبرة طويلة في مجال تنظيف الشقق، والشركة لديها ثقة بينها وبين عملائها وذلك ما جعلها شركة رائدة في مجالات التنظيف المختلفة.
    شركة تنظيف بالقصيم
    شركة تنظيف بعنيزة
    الشركة تهتم بالعملاء أولا، يتم تنفيذ كل متطلباتهم بدقة وعلى أسرع وقت ممكن، والشركة تهتم بكل التفاصيل التي تزيد من مستوى الشركة وتزيد أيضا من رضا العملاء الذين يتعاملون
    مع شركة المستقبل تعامل مع شركة المستقبل ليتم تنفيذ كل متطلباتك في أسرع وقت وبالشكل الذي تريده فشركة المستقبل هي الشركة المنشودة.

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