Sunday, November 15, 2009

Reality Check

GF jokingly told me today to take a break from blogging since life is pretty hectic. Then he added that my posts have been pretty depressing lately and maybe I should try being a bit more positive. He was half serious and wasn't being mean - I got a huge laugh out of it. But hello, this is a grief blog. I would hope those checking in know that from the get go and aren't expecting cheeriness, right?

I think the whole point of blogging is to be real and honest. And for some of us, this place we have created is one of the few where we can let it all hang out without feeling guilty or having to pretend something that isn't.

Yes, I am sad right now. The prospect of moving while offering a new beginning is still a huge loss for my sons and I. We have already been through the wringer in having to navigate unexpected change. Staying in a familiar and well-loved environment has been the one constant we have been able to hang onto over the past years.

Moving for me would mean that I would finally have to admit that my life didn't turn out as planned. Never in a million years when I married 18 years ago, did I ever have the thought that 12 years into my marriage, I would be a widow at age 44 with two school-aged children. Somehow keeping the boys here in this community has been a way of making some of the life I thought I'd live still be a reality. Maybe that has all been an exercise in futility?

Today I am grateful for:

1. Tater tots - what a creative idea!
2. Those mini pizza egg roll things my sons like and I also used to love as a kid. Another great idea.
3. The Burger King Angry Whopper. While I don't eat beef or burgers, I still give credit for a unique marketing idea.
4. Ice cream sandwiches. Another cool product!
5. That old standby of grilled cheese and tomato soup. As long as you have bread, cheese and a can of soup in the pantry, there will always be a guaranteed decent lunch or dinner!

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