Today my CNA instructor made a passing comment to me at the end of the day that I always look so uptight. I did not disagree with her, just replied that I have a lot on my mind right now.
My oldest has flatly refused to move to "that rural, hick town" and he will "find" someone here to live with.
I have received estimates from two moving companies and one of those POD storage/delivery container companies. The $2,300.00 moving company estimate is not affordable for us. The POD container is about $1,000.00 but I'd need to do all the packing and loading on my own. Also, I'm not sure my apartment complex will let me have one of the containers in the parking lot.
GF reminded me again this afternoon that he will not be able to assist with the move financially or physically. When I told him that we cannot afford the moving charges, he ominously replied that I cannot afford to move but if I don't move I risk losing everything when they put my belongings out on the street because I get evicted. I got pretty upset with him, asking what does he expect me to do? He does not want to ask for time off because he is new to the job. Then he said he has been working seven days in a row (as am I, as well as going to school and parenting). He will not charge a portion of the moving expenses on his credit card becasue he wants to keep an available credit line open in case he needs to pay for something for his home here in Illinois since it is supposed to be rented out in Dec. To me it sure seems as he isn't really that keen on having us move with him or he'd be demonstrating his support in some way/any way!
I suggested for example that he come on whatever day he has off in the near future with one of those trucks from BUDGET and we'd do the moving ourselves. He got out of that by saying he dosn't know when his next day off will be because the holidays are coming and he is in training.
GF said that maybe in a few months when he has received some paychecks he can help me. Gee, I thought we were supposed to get married. To me that means working together on solutions instead of making someone feel as thought they're handling and bearing all of the load. After school today I faxed the potential new school the enrollment forms so at least they can draft up schedules since both schools are off the entire week of Thanksgiving. But at this point who even knows what is going on.
I have fantasy visions of taking an entire bottle of Zanax (that is how high my tension feels right now) but I'm not even sure that would reduce the anxiety and fear I am feeling
Picked up my youngest from track practice and was met with the usual surliness and "You're a douche bag" insults. I'm pretty fed up with that. Basically a day where I've taken it from all ends while still trying to hang in there. But I do feel a bit resentful over what I perceive as doing ALL the work and trying to move toward a better life for all of us. And that includes the boys even though they might not realize that, as well as GF.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Chili Mac
2. Christmas decorations going up
3. The Salvation Army Bell ringing
4. Bright colored gloves
5. Scarves, scarves, scarves! I love them all year but can finally really wear them now!