I was on the phone on hold and heard the Linda Ronstadt version of this song. I really liked the chorus: "Poor, poor, pitiful me, Poor. poor, pitiful me, Lord have mercy on me, Woe is me, Woe is me." Pretty appropriate for my life right now. I was on the line trying to find someone to work for me next Mon. which is the review for my Certified Nursing Assistant program final exam. I really can't miss that but am scheduled to work 9-3. So I have to find someone to work this shift. I'm still waiting to see if someone can pick it up for me out of the people working tonight.
This week I am working every day I'm not at class or at clinical. My job is tiring because I am on my feet all day. Somehow I need to squeeze in studying and caring for the boys. This Sat. I didn't get to sleep until 1:30 a.m. because I'd worked until 11 and didn't get home until almost midnight. I only got 3 hours of sleep because I had to get up at 4:30 to work my clinical hours which started at 6:45.
On top of all this I am trying to figure out how I can move the boys and I, 200 miles out of state by Nov. 30th without any physical or financial help from GF. So this afternoon after work spent some time on the phone getting moving estimates. It is not looking good. Estimates are coming in at $2,000.00, which I cannot afford. On the phone with GF today, I asked him what does he expect me to do here? We both have no money, although he still has a house that will be rented out hopefully in Dec. - although the rental income will need to go toward the mortgage. He just started a new job and hasn't even received his first paycheck. He does not want to cash in his 401K until Jan. to avoid the $3,000.00 penalty. GF's work days off are Tue. and Thur. and next Thur. is Thanksgiving.
Okay I understand all that. But again, really what am I supposed to do here? If you want me to move with the boys I have to have some help. It is so hard to keep figuring all of this out on my own. I am struggling to study, work and parent on my own. I am tired, functioning on little sleep and have to waste my time trying to get someone to work my hours at a job that has pretty much been more trouble than it has been worth.
I am trying to brainstorm - should I just put all the furniture and my belongings in another storage shed and get them moved when finances improve? Should GF rent a truck and the two of us with the boys try to move on our own as I did with him two weekends ago? Do I tell him that he has to help me, I just can't handle/figure this out on my own? Can I demand that of someone? Is it too much to ask?
On the phone he told me that he doesn't know what to do either but together we will work it out. That sounded pretty good to me but it still doesn't solve the logistics of this situation. He added that once I've moved things will improve financially but if I stay, I face eviction if I can't make my rent which is pretty scary for me. At least we'll have a roof over our heads if we move.
But we just can't fly there like fairies and I don't think it is fair for me to just up and depart, leaving an apartment full of our personal belongings. So we need a plan and help and support.
Poor, poor, pitiful me. Lord have mercy on me. Woe is me.
Today I am taking a break from my grateful list to study.