Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Moving On Figuratively and Actually

I was approved for leasing the apartment I applied at and one is on hold for me with a tentative move-in date of October. I am beyond relieved but still struggling to deal with all that is on my plate - packing up the house, downsizing, trying to sell the house. There is still the possibility that we will renegotiate with the lender and stay here but I am not sure that is the best alternative at this point.

As weird as this seems, even when my husband was in such poor health, I still felt that he and I were a team and that I was not alone. Having to face life and all the recent challenges of foreclosure, etc. on my own is an indescribable challenge for me. It is a far more difficult task than facing my husband's death because even though a part of me knew he was probably going to die, he was still alive and I had him by my side.

I am sad that my life has taken such a trying turn when it is already tough enough just being a widowed mom. I wish I had been spared some of this hardship but it doesn't seem that wishing for an easier time of things is of much benefit. Life is what it is right now.

Today I am grateful:

1. For getting approved to lease the apartment.
2. For knowing that we'll have a place to live and WILL NOT be homeless and having to rely on staying with friends.
3. For the cooler weather today since it makes working in the house easier.
4. That I live in a safe, very attractive community with excellent schools, parks, shopping - the whole package!
5. That my sons are hanging in there with all that they have had to go through.


  1. i remember finally getting approved to lease the apartment i'm in now. it was exactly 8 days after my husband had died and i was still in a state of shock. it was a relief to know i had a place to live but it was like being on a wagon rolling down a hill. i had no control over anything, not really.

    i'm glad to hear you have some choices however limited. striving for a positive outlook, enumerating them as you do, i'm sure gives you that pro list to turn to when the con list rears its ugly head. kudos to you. and you are right, life is what it is. i keep you, all whom i read, in my thoughts and prayers. i hope for better days for you.

  2. I was in your shoes once very long ago, facing a foreclosure, little income, and a bad housing market. (That was in the early '80s, and that's what brought me to Oklahoma.)

    It was hard, and I empathize with how difficult it must be for you. But it will all eventually fall into some sort of place.

    I ended up losing the house in the end, but the comfort of a new home without all the upkeep and expense made the blow much softer. In fact, it seemed as soon as we moved into the new place the load was lifted off my shoulders, the sun rose, and life was hopeful again! :)

    I hope that's how it is for you... a burden lifted (however it ends up) and brighter days ahead for you and your children.


  3. womanNshadows and Stella -
    I am very grateful that you took the time and care to relate your personal stories to me. It helps to know that others have faced similar situations and come out on the other side in one piece.

    womanNshadows, I cannot imagine having to face moving just 8 days after my husband's death. The fact that you were able to get through that is such a testimony to your strength and courage. You wrote about your sweet, protective dogs in one of your posts and I thought about them with you, giving you their unconditional love and devotion. You also wrote about your balcony and that was the only requirement I had when looking for a place. I dearly hoped for a balcony so I can at least hang some flower baskets and have a little patio set to sit at and read or knit outside. This apartment has a balcony and will also let me have my two cats - another relief!

    Stella, I recall those turbulent financial times of the 80s. I now understand why people who lived through the Depression save everything and try not to be wasteful. Times like these impact us and I will also be forever changed by this event. I do hope to start feeling some of the burdens lifted and to feel like there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, which you eventually did. But I'm not there yet.