Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I am starting to feel a lot of anger - so far in my grief journey anger has not been an emotion that I have allowed myself to experience much. But it is coming out now in full force. I was in the grocery store yesterday only picking up a package of chili seasoning and a can of chopped tomatoes. I went to the express line but was beat out by a middle-aged dad who took the first place. I glared at him as he pulled out his wallet and I saw the photos of his children - no doubt the wife was waiting for him at home. I wanted to point to the tabloid paper showing the photo of Patrick Swayze and say, "That is what my husband looked like before he died." But I didn't. I was angry that this guy with his life together had no problem going ahead of me in line. But I am the person who deserved to check out sooner. All pretty petty stuff I know but it was what I was thinking as I stood behind this guy. Wanting to say to the whole line in fact or maybe even the entire store, "Your lives are better than mine - but that doesn't give you an excuse to take the first place in line - maybe think about the people you cut in front of." Somehow I don't believe many people care much about anyone else's lives but their own.