We have run out of bath tissue and still have to get to the end of the month before I can make grocery purchases. The roll I got from the food pantry last Thursday is long gone. Luckily, this morning I found a box of facial tissues that I'd purchased for one of the boys to take to school and felt grateful that we have something to use as a substitute. This is all so sad. My oldest was off from school today with a sore throat and as he looked around the kitchen for something to eat for lunch he said, "We are really cleaned out. It has never been this bad." Seriously, my refrigerator is empty and the cabinets are fast being depleted. We are having to use up all the stuff I bought that I shouldn't have - you know, items that appeared to be a great deal but upon getting home you realize that no one in the house really likes it and so the box of whatever sits in the pantry until NOW! Yeah! Part of me wants to feel grateful that there are still food items to eat but I'm not really looking forward to tonight's entree of canned chicken stew with biscuit topping.
I think the real problem is not having a choice. We are forced to eat the less desirable pantry items instead of being able to have something more appealing. There is no say in the matter and that adds to feeling worse/bitter about the circumstances.
I went back to the food pantry today to apply for emergency food stamps but was denied, I am assuming because our pension income is too high. (I'll get a letter of explanation in a few days.) So after paying the mortgage, we have about $300.00 left from the monthly pension. Even with the monthly spousal support check of $700.00 I receive from Husband #2, we are in the red and there is not enough left to afford food. My utilities are $500.00, credit card payments $400.00, cell phone charges $200.00, etc. I recently read that the average family spends $800.00 a month on food - I'd be happy to have half of that!
Today I am thankful:
1. That somehow we've almost made it through the worst month of winter and I do know that we'll survive these last few days.
2. That it is only four more days until February!
3. For just having made it through today - sometimes that is the most you can expect of yourself and that alone is enough.