Friday, January 9, 2009

Multiple life complications

Today I went to a job counseling service in the morning, as my job search on my own is not proving successful. Then my real estate attorney called and I had to call my mortgage lender. I then called my divorce attorney about our upcoming scheduled mediation. After which I had to run to the grocery store, wash the boys' athletic uniforms and now I'll soon be off to see the boys at a sport's event at their school. It has been snowing on and off all day and I am tired.

FYI, the divorce action I am involved with was initiated by my husband and was not something that I wanted. He has refused any attempts at reconciliation or counseling and I have been forced to accept his decision and move on as best I can. Needless to say, the situation has been very painful for me so closely following the death of my husband, and the boys have also been dealt a raw blow having lost the man who became their stepfather. I should mention that my husband has refused to communicate with me and cut off all contact with us after he announced his intention to obtain a divorce. He did this over the phone, long-distance and then hung up on me. This has been devastating to me because as a counselor I try to "fix" the bad situations, or at least talk things through. Not having had an opportunity to even reply to my husband has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure.

The theme behind today's post has to do with multiple life complications, especially those that may occur after a death or divorce. In my situation I have to deal with getting a job and supporting my boys, finding a new place to live if we are unable to renegotiate the mortgage, parent two teens on my own, handle the ups and downs of daily life, manage the expenses under financial duress AND contain and confront the grief I feel about the end of my marriage. This grief brings up unresolved issues stemming from my husband's death five years ago so that gets tossed into the mix as well. There are times that I just want to break down and cry under the weight of it all but society dictates that I put on a cheery and optimistic face as I go out and face the world. In fact, most people (friends included) get downright uncomfortable upon hearing of the hardships we are facing. They don't want to hear about troubles and complications and most often I am left to try and stumble forward on my own without much support or sympathy. Why it is so difficult for someone to simply say "I'm sorry times are tough for you right now" is beyond me. I've also been criticized for being too negative. I'm not trying to get a pity party going but I don't think it is negative to simply relate the facts of your life to others. It is like being slammed doubly - for having to deal with excessive hardship and then for being honest and open about it.

This is the message I want to convey to others: try to be more tolerant, patient and understanding of folks you know going through crisis. Because these poor people have far more on their plates than you can imagine and they're doing their best to get up and face the day as best they can.

Today I am grateful:

1. That I can still get out of bed to face the day.
2. That I've been there for my boys and will continue to support them as best I can (thankful for the energy to still drag myself to a sports event on a cold Friday night on my own).
3. That hard times don't last forever.

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