Right now I do not want to hear those platitudes about being a strong woman and doing everything by myself. Guess what? I've been there and done that for six long years now (eight if you count the years my husband was really sick and mostly hospitalized) and I just am worn out. I can't do this anymore! The only reason I am is because I have to. I have been "only" parenting since the boys were just seven and eight - they are now 15 and 16. That is a long time to be bearing such a load on one's shoulders
Right now the apartment is still in chaos. It is physically making me sick. Today at work I had to leave 10 minutes early with a migraine - I also felt as though I would faint. Who is telling married women to hang in there and do it all on their own? I get the badge of being a widow as well as the tedium of having to parent, cook, clean, work and survive on my lonesome. This move has been the straw breaking the camel's back. I don't have the energy, stamina or strength to keep this up anymore. I've reached my limit - six years of widowhood.
There are assistants out there to help everyone else - nurses for doctors (even aides for the nurses); paralegals for attorneys; aides for teachers; secretaries for corporate people; asst. mgrs. for managers; prep cooks for the chefs; junior editors for editors - I could go on more with this list but you get the idea. Where the hell on this list is any assistant or helper for the distraught/overworked widowed mom - the widowed middle-aged mom in the middle of her widowhood?
Today I am grateful:
1. For firefighters.
2. For paramedics/EMTs.
3. For police officers.
4. For the U.S. flag.
5. For laundry baskets. (Life is pretty dim when this is the best you can come up with).