Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I was listening to the audio of Caroline Myss, "Navigating Hope," and at one point she said that the reason people have trouble moving out of grief is that we are too stuck in our pasts. By that she means we keep wanting for our lives to be like they were before. Because that is impossible to achieve, we remain pretty miserable with our lives.

Actually, I think there is a point to this observation. I know that I wish I had my old life back. Trouble is, I am having trouble envisioning a new life. How are we supposed to do this? It is so much easier to want to restore what we had because it was known and we can see it our our minds. How do I look toward the future when I have nothing to throw my anchor into except a blank slate? My anchor is still stuck behind me because it was familiar and good. The future as an unknown is scary and treacherous.

I guess the point is that we need to have hope and faith in the unknown future. And to cast our anchors out before us blindly expecting the best.

You hear all this advice on what to do but I'm still lost. What are the steps we can take to start our future visions? If I come across any advice on this I'll provide an update, but I've been on this path awhile now and am still floundering.


  1. why don't you start by checking out that little cottage?maybe it will grab you but even if it doesn't that could be the beginning of a new "anchor" to pull you into your own future

  2. I love the metaphor of setting an anchor to pull me into my own future. I set my anchor for meaningful 'personal connections' last September, and this intentionality gave birth to four new friendships and one deeply meaningful romantic opportunity (even its demise softened my heart further, and I count myself blessed).

    I think the vagueness of my intention for human connection gave God some wiggle room. I wrote down the intention and created a vision board with pictures of the life I'd like. It evidently got me unstuck.

    Hope this helps.

  3. I understand the floundering! There are so many complicated issues that cloud my vision that I get lost easily. I don't have any answers except to keep throwing that anchor out as you have already done and eventually it will grab hold of something new and beautiful.

  4. I love the idea of creating a vision board! I could put pictures of my cottage on it for starters. It would be fun to go through those old magazines of mine and just cut out items that "speak" to me for my board and see what I end up with. Maybe we try to think too much sometimes. I really do wonder what would happen if I just let my unconscious take over and see where it leads me.

  5. Something sent me to this blog tonight. I am sitting here and just finished writing to a friend how lost I feel and how scared I am about my future.I lost my husband 2yrs. ago this May. I'm 58 and feel totally unprepared for this single life.I was alone for 7mths. then had both adult children move back in due to divorce and pregnancy so I put my life on the back burner..One has moved out, the other is headed overseas with my brand new Grandaughter.I feel like I have not had time to figure out my new life and what I need with everything that has happened. I'm very scared now that it is time to face my situation.....

  6. A - I've just read your comment. I think what really ends up hitting us is the unpreparedness of single life when it is least expected. It is just not so easy to pick up our lives and carry on by ourselves when we are used to having had a partner in our lives. I guess that is what I wish others would be sympathetic about. I wish you all the best in your situation and know you'll do the best you can in forging ahead. I think that is what most of us end up doing.