Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Although tonight at Knit Club I was named "Queen of the Unusual Scarf," and you can see my latest creation to the right, I am going to post on the Q word quality - but queen would sure be a lot easier and shorter.

Quality. The word is all over the place. I see it in ads for nursing homes promising residents "quality care." If a product doesn't have the words "Satisfaction Guaranteed" on it, the words "Quality Guaranteed" are there. "Salon quality at an everyday price." "The quality of life."

It's that last statement that gets to me - quality of life. What happens when your life situation changes for the worse and you go down in life quality? How are we supposed to cope and manage with this? I bring this up because I am still struggling to put the pieces of my life back together and to get back on track. It is not an easy process or quick.

I think about just the mid-aged people out there who have lost jobs and haven't found anything going on a year or more at this point. What is going to happen to these people working in retail or restaurants after they've held management or professional jobs? I know from my experience that working in a non-professional capacity is wrecking havoc on my life right now. I try to be grateful I'm working at all, and I am because it means since December that I have been able to fully feed my family without resorting to the food banks (which I hope to never visit again). But it is still a part of my life that bothers me - the boredom and lack of challenge especially. It does make me feel somewhat diminished personally to have a master's degree but having difficulty finding suitable work. Although I know I join the ranks of 1,000s.

So that aspect of my life does lower the overall quality of my life along with the loss of a husband/partner and being an only parent the past 8 years.

In this society we learn as children to strive for the best we can afford and to move/trade up be it with a job, education degree, house, car, furniture etc. We don't learn much about recovering after a fall. I guess that is not supposed to happen. I never thought everything that has happened to me would occur - an educated, attractive, middle-class, very nice mom/person. I assumed my life would just keep moving up the ladder as I'd been told it would as a child.

The quality of my life is not what I want it to be right now. I'm tired. I don't get enough free time or recreation or sleep. I worry too much. I don't like living or sleeping alone. I want to garden again, laugh and smile more, feel lighthearted instead of always dragged down.

So many aspects of my life to better and work on. Changes seem to come so gradually. I am starting my Library Technical Assistant Program in May. I have to do something to move forward into the professional arena of life again. Simply starting the program will do a lot to restore my confidence and faith in the future. I need to feel that the work I do is of value and importance to the world, something beyond the realm of showing guests to their tables at the restaurant.

Quality in part means excellence and superiority. I can't settle or stand for certain things in my life right now. I have to improve the quality of my life. I have to restore some excellence and status. I suppose I've reached my personal limit. I want a better and easier and happier life.


  1. Dear Queen of the unusual scarf. Yes, the journey can be difficult. Sometimes almost more than we can bear. Baby steps. Take care and be assured that you have many of us out here thinking and praying for you. Although it may be impossible to believe....better times will come. Hang on!

  2. Better is Possible - I enjoyed looking at your blog and felt uplifted by the pictures of flowers and your positive attitude. Thank you for the good thoughts you sent my way.

  3. A better life would be nice, but then we always seem to make due with what we can!

    I have found I picked up my beading again and it helps.

    What really bothers me, is that I cannot seems to gain employment in the professional sector, not since my husband passed on. This is very frustrating to me. I think what causes some situations to be different is how widowhood arrived at your door-step. If you already had a job, then you will still have one. If you had to resign to take care of an ill husband (my husband passed from cancer also), when all is said and done...its very hard to regain what you had as far as employment is concerned. Especially if you live in a smaller community.

  4. Truly a Widow? - I hear you on this. I took time off to care for my husband, my son who had a medical issue the year after my husband died, and then my parents! Care taking of sick family members doesn't hold much weight on the old resume. I think for me the best solution is to take classes for the Library Research Certificate. I'll gain professional contacts and references since I don't have any now. Also, there is an internship and that could lead to a job. Good luck. We're not the only ones out there right now!