I said "No" this week. On Wednesday, my day off, I spent the ENTIRE day taking care of taxes (mine and the boys'). There were complications. My H & R Block guy had to reschedule the next appointment after me because we needed more time. Thursday I was supposed to go to a volunteer church activity with my girl friend but I didn't want to go. I was tired from the tax ordeal and kept looking around my home space in dismay. I just can't seem to rustle up the time to tend to home duties. Now why would I be volunteering my valuable time to give to others when I can't even take care of my own needs?
On that same note I told Sam I couldn't come to see him over the weekend. When I go to see him it is a break and fun but I come home to everything I left undone and it creates a lot of stress. So he is going to come for Easter.
Everything takes so much time - laundry, housework, cooking, cleaning. I have told myself that I have to focus on taking care of the home front first and foremost. No more running away for play time. That is a hard one, because of course we need free time and enjoyment. But I need to get some aspects of my life together and squared away and as a widowed mom, the only way that is going to happen is if I do concentrate on work for the time being. The playing can come later.
I don't often say "No." But I have to in order to preserve my sanity and move onward. There is that double standard thing going on though. When I assert myself and stick up for myself I'm often criticized and told I'm not organized or strong enough - that something is deficient with me. I won't play the game anymore. Thursday and Friday were so busy at work. I was tired both days. After work on Friday I went to my absolutely most favorite place in the world to go - Walmart - to pick up my son's prescription for acne medication. Every month I go through some major conflict getting this script filled and yesterday was no different. I ended up spending two hours in the Walmart (I will spare you the details). I hadn't had lunch and was starving. I considered buying a candy bar or something. I didn't get home until after 5:00. So for those out there constantly pointing a finger at me, I put up my hands and say, a big "NO more."