Widowhood has robbed me of leisure time. One of the major leisure activities to go by the wayside has been movies. Since my husband's death I've maybe watched a total of 25 movies over eight years, including rentals and made-for-tv ones. I've gone to the show exactly twice in eight years. Before widowhood, movies were a regular part of my life. My husband and I would stay up most Saturday nights to view a rental and we went to the show as much as we could for a date.
I had this tradition of seeing all the Oscar nominated movies for Best Picture in the weeks leading up to the Oscars. My husband would sometimes let me steal away on a week night so I could see a movie while he watched the boys. The year of his death was the last time I ever undertook my Oscar viewing.
My boys are very active in sports so I suppose I've traded movies for watching numerous wrestling matches, baseball games, volleyball tournaments and football nights in the stands. My entertainment has also included musical performances of band, orchestra and show choir. And some plays and dance recitals thrown in for good measure.
So it's not as though I'm just sitting home alone not doing or seeing anything interesting. But it is still sobering to realize how much is really lost as a result of such a life change and widowhood. There just aren't enough hours in the day and I don't have two to spare sitting down watching a video.
It is Friday night, that night known for going out to catch a new movie or rent a new release. My tide is turning. One boy will be off to college next year with the other on his way the year after. My life will then free up and I'll have some spare time for myself to watch movies if I so desire.
But I've written these posts and observations to depict how demanding life can be for only parents. How something so many people take for granted, Friday pizza and a movie, might not be a part of everyone's life. So many losses, they all add up. If someone had told me at the onset of my widowhood that I would no longer be watching any movies, I wouldn't have believed them.
I think that when you live with someone or are dating, it is just a natural part of the situation to go out and do things, and seeing a movie is a pretty basic activity. When you're on your own there isn't the motivation to get out sometimes even to the Redbox. Not to mention the tiredness from day-to-day life - I'm not sure I'd even be able to stay up for the duration of a movie!