Thursday, April 21, 2011
Reality and Fantasy
Here is my giant knitted door carrot. A perfect image for this post which is about reality and fantasy, as a carrot is real but my giant carrot created from fantasy.
I've been having a hard time lately dealing with my reality. I just don't want my life as it is. Of course I know I can't get my old life back. So then I concentrate on a new and better life. I'm doing everything I can to not accept my life as it currently is. I'm going to need some help and direction in getting through this mind set. I'm hoping the audio by Caroline Myss, "Navigating Hope - How to Turn Life's Challenges into a Journey of Transformation" will help me.
This afternoon before heading out to see my son's volleyball game, for the heck of it, I goggled inexpensive real estate in the college town my son will be moving to in August. I saw the most adorable charming and cozy cottage for under $45,000! I immediately pictured myself gardening outside and filling the inside rooms with my antiques, books and knitting. My mind continued to race ahead. I could probably find work as a library technician in a college town - heck I could even go back to school for my PhD. I enjoyed this little flight into fancy. It was actually giving me a lift!
As I drove to one of the wealthy suburban communities next to mine, I thought about how I am so ready to move from here. It is costly for one thing, and after my youngest finishes high school there is no reason to really stay. In fact, staying is painful in many ways. I arrived at the high school, which is actually so big it resembles a community college campus. I missed a few minutes of the game because I had to park so far away after figuring out which building housed the gym - as there were a number of athletic buildings, I finally tracked down the school bus that drove our team and asked the bus driver for directions.
Just more fuel to leave this area. It is congested and everything is so massive and pretentious. It would be relaxing and like a vacation to live in a smaller community and college town.
But as much as I enjoyed dreaming about the little 1940s small town cottage, I'm not sure that is the answer either in terms of my trying to accept the here and now. To find contentment and happiness in the present and not look forward to attaining it in the future. Still, I think about my door carrot and don't think there is anything wrong with flights of whimsy that make you smile at times. Such a hard concept to balance, our reality vs. our dreams.