I read in the paper today that in each of the past four years Chicago has gotten over 50 inches of snow and each has been a colder than usual winter besides. I just know that the past four winters have been so tough to endure. One winter I got tennis elbow that lasted six months from constantly having to scrape off the vehicles - I thought it was something worse. How silly to get tennis elbow having not played any tennis in the dead of winter!For me the winters represent the worst of my losses. At least during the warmer months I can walk and get out and about more freely. If I could label my grief as a month it would definitely be January with February a close second.
On a more positive note, one of the servers at my job has become friendly with me and we've discussed taking some kind of exercise class together. I am also planning to take archery lessons that start in March and wanted to take fencing but the class meets Wed. nights and I do not want to miss my knit club. Maybe I can take fencing at another time in the future.
I guess like grief, winter is an event that has to be trudged through. I wish it were easier. But coping all these past winters hasn't made this one any easier to face. The passage of time might make some things easier but I don't think it magically makes everything better. Winter makes me feel as though I've taken 10 steps backward. And I never seem to feel warm enough under the covers alone...
It is supposed to warm up over the weekend and for that I am extremely grateful. And I will try and post about another topic rather than how much I hate winter! But I guess the point of this whole reflection is that widowhood like winter doesn't get easier as the season progresses and maybe in some cases it actually gets more wearisome. Another misnomer I want to clear up as I think the general impression out there is that time heals all wounds and so on. Why people really believe this sometimes baffles me. But enough on this for now. It is currently 4 below zero without wind chill...
Oh, dear, you put it so well..."I never seem to feel warm enough under the covers alone...". There's good reason to put Valentine's Day in the heart of winter. Sizzling. For those of us without Beloveds, it's a day to carry on and smile and hope the feelings catch up. Take care, I trust spring will come.
ReplyDeleteI feel much the same about summers as you do about winters. Our winters are not harsh, only occasional snow and very cold weather. Summer really gets to me, which is ironic because I spent 10 years in Florida (I was MUCH younger then!) Summer here is hot, humid, sticky, rarely rain and when it does, it feels like a steam bath afterwards. Any kind of physical activity, inside or out, causes sweating and uncomfortableness, and I can get very grumpy. :( As each year passes, instead of it becoming easier to adjust, it seems to be more difficult, much like you feel about winter and grief. We must "trudge" or "sweat" through it, but refreshment does come, maybe just in bits and pieces at times.
ReplyDeleteI am thrilled you are enjoying your knitting club and you are taking on new activities. I love the archery! That is so great!
As to your son -- how proud you must be, not just about him but about how in the midst of EVERYTHING, you keep encouraging him and your other son, I am sure. What a wonderful blessing you are! You are a GREAT mom and you are loved!!!!!
You are in my prayers and I will be praying for Spring to get there soon! Didn't the groundhog say spring is supposed to come early? LOL :D
Much love to you, my friend.
wow, i just stumbled on your blog and read your feelings about winter, and your observation that widowhood doesn't seem to get any easier. It's been a year and a half since I lost him, and it does seem to be harder and grimmer than the first few months. Reality, such as it is, has set in, I guess, and I think of my life now as just plodding along. (with just a few moments of happiness). One friend, when I told her I was proud of myself that I had been able to take on some house renovations by hiring the right contractors, said, "I am glad you are whole." What a statement. Because of course, I will never be truly whole.
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