Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Unkind Fall

It is rainy and cold today. I wish the weather was better so I could enjoy the beautiful changing leaves but I am forced to stay in today to work on organizing and making our new space into a more acceptable home (maybe not such a bad thing). Fall has always been my favorite season but I am finding it less lovely since my husband's death. A shadow and cloud have been passed onto this season.

My husband was born on 10/20, we were married 10/23 and he died on 10/25 so THE WEEK of anniversaries is approaching. When I got remarried, I did not want to do so in October so our date was 9/23 (close enough to the changing season for a fall-themed wedding). But I tell you, when I tie the knot again, it WILL NOT be in fall! I am picking another season for sure! The last two years have had unkind falls as well. In 2007, there was the cleanup after the tornado and the sale of my parent's home, which necessitated clearing it out. My father was very ill as well. Last year, I was in the middle of the divorce. And now this year, have the move from my home to contend with. Gosh darn it! Can there just be a fall without so much to deal with so I can enjoy the season and not have it slip by before all the leaves have hit the ground?

Part of my dismay comes from the fact that since I've been widowed and an only parent, there has not been much time to just kick back and watch the leaves float down (or the snow fall, or the leaves start to bud for that matter either). The seasons and holidays go by with such amazing speed that they are over just as I am ready to finally celebrate. Remember that phrase "Take time to smell the roses?" Life has become so complicated, full and messy - a whirl wind and a blur.

I recently read something that inspired me but have forgotten who wrote it - the message was that we need to find time to sit and watch the leaves fall because this season is so amazingly beautiful. I totally agree with that but the weather has to also cooperate! And so do the circumstances of our lives.

Today I am grateful:

1. For cell phones (although not the cell phone bill).
2. For dishwashers.
3. For those first days of heat when it first gets cold.
4. For the changing seasons.
5. For computers and the internet.


  1. I'm right there with you. I used to LOVE the holidays and looked forward to them with zest. I would decorate for Christmas before or on Thanksgiving. Then my world changed. My husband died on 11/21, 2 days before Thanksgiving. I had decorated the house inside and out for Christmas even earlier than the norm because the boys were coming and he wanted to wow them. My birthday is 11/26 and my stepson's is 11/28. Somehow all the joy that used to go into that time of year is gone. My husband's birthday is 9/16 so It's like the fall doldrums take over then and don't end until Jan 1st. I try really hard to go through the motions for the kids but my heart just isn't in it. Of course, I never let them know that. If I could I'd end summer and start winter on the first of the year, skipping fall altogether. Somehow, I don't think the pumpkin vendors would like that idea. So I'll go buy a pumpkin this weekend and play along :)

  2. Gosh, that is a horrible week for you! How have you been getting through it since your husband's death?

    I love your comment about "playing along" and buying a pumpkin. A nicer way of saying, "Going through the motions."