Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sixth Anniversary

Today is the sixth Anniversary of my husband's death. I have never written about it because at the time of his death we didn't even have a home computer. He used a computer at his job and I did the same. My kids were young enough to use the computer at their school as well. Boy, has a lot changed in those six years!

My husband and I did not have cable (we still don't) because we weren't at home enough for it to be worth the cost. We coached our sons together for many years - baseball and soccer. He sang semi-professionally in fine arts groups and I volunteered in the community, as well as the boys' school. We had such an active and full life together. I would say that is was very rewarding. We felt that we accomplished good things for the world. He taught - I counseled. We gave back. And we still had time to pursue some of our own interests. It was a pretty balanced life.

Blogging has been a bit of a strange experience for me because I have been widowed for awhile. Yet I never really had an opportunity to do the necessary grief work after his death. Life just went forward too quickly and presented us with way too many curve balls. It is funny because the divorce with Husband #2 plunged me right back into grief mode - and in actuality, maybe I had never left it. Anyway, when I post I find it sometimes a little bizarre because although I am not a new widow, many of my feelings are those of one. In certain ways I am a seasoned widow but at the same time a novice one. Evidence that the grief journey is so unique to us all. Certainly not one-size-fits-all!

Today there is a break in the rain and I am going to work at the storage shed. While there, I hope to have some time to contemplate about this day. I'll see what I come up with and where my heart and feelings lead me. This will be the first time that I have done that.


  1. i will be thinking of you all day today, though i do everyday. anniversaries can hit hard even though they are expected. six years, i don't think it truly matters the time though as widows we do keep count religiously. whether new or seasoned, a death is a loss we do not get over. we only adapt to the different road lit has ife has sent us on.

    as a relatively new widow, i know nothing other than from my own deep grief. but i do suspect that you are right in that all the troubles that immediately followed the death of your husband has not allowed you to grieve fully. i think that you know yourself best and whatever you decide, however you spend your days, your quiet times, will be well thought out and done with the best interests for yourself and your sons.

    i was interrupted in writing this comment by my Sunday phone call from my own son. i would like to add this. whatever sacrifices you have to make, it is worth it. you are their mother. there is no greater role except for the balance of a good father. take care. you are in my prayers.

  2. Thinking of you today... hope you got some time to spend as you see fit! :-)


  3. I've been away but wanted you to know I am keeping you and the boys in my thoughts. I hope the day went as well as could be expected.

  4. Thank you all for your thoughts and good wishes. I was glad to finally have some time for reflection. The day went by so quickly working in the storage shed and then the week started up and time has gotten away from me again. I guess we really have to make the effort to carve out time to process our grief and honor our loved ones in meaningful ways for us. But I am finding it is worth that effort. I wish I'd made this more of a priority years ago.

  5. I so agree with you. This year, instead of staying in bed with the covers pulled up over my head I bought tickets to go see Jackson Browne who is one of my husband's favorite artists. I thought what better way to honor his memory than to do something he would have loved.

  6. Kelly - That is a wonderful and lovely idea. I love how it is a happy and fun event to do, rather than a somber one. I've NEVER really had the opportunity to have a tribute for my husband. He would so love it if I took the boys to a classical music concert. I will really consider doing this over the holidays when they have inexpensive concerts at the local colleges. Thank you so much for giving me this incentive!

  7. I did that last year. I took the boys to see Elton John, who, to my husband was the holy grail of interviews. My husband was an on air radio personality and he had interviewed Bernie Taupin but never managed to secure the Elton interview. We had GREAT seats and the boys were totally excited because they had grown up listening to all of their Dad's music. It was as if they were sharing something with their Dad once again.