Last night I attended a band concert for my oldest and this morning woke up at 4:00 a.m. with a migraine. I dragged myself up out of bed and went downstairs for medicine. It took a bit of time for the migraine to subside but by the time I got up for the day at 6:00 it was thankfully gone. This got me thinking about what I personally find to be the hardest part of living on my own.
1. Attending concerts, school and sporting events by myself.
2. Being ill or under the weather (or even just tired or drained) and not having a partner to lend a hand (run downstairs for the pill bottle and glass of water). Once, soon after I was widowed, I had such a severe migraine that I had to call up my job and have a co-worker run to Walgreen's for me to pickup some medicine!
Going to those endless school events on my own is a very visual reminder to me of the fact that I'm on my own. In my town very few people my age are unmarried, so the bleachers or seats are just filled with couples. I always feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I can't say I have ever really gotten used to it. I attend so many events because the boys are very active in sports and school functions. Once, last Fall, I found myself crying as I watched a football game thinking of my late husband and how he would have loved seeing his sons play.
Of course, having kids means that I have to get out and see their events. I've never had the luxury of being able to hide from the world and this has been a good thing because I think I may have hidden if I could have. Sometimes I wish people in general knew how difficult it is for people in my position - that there is pain and grief even while watching your child play a solo at the band concert five years after the death of your husband!