It is Spring Break and everyone is a bit down here. After a whirl wind of social activity last weekend and this week (real estate appt., therapy appt., band concert), I stayed home the entire weekend. As hard as it is for me to get out, when I do, it does help me disconnect from the difficulties going on at home. On my plate currently: the foreclosure, upcoming job interview on Thursday and of most distress, not knowing when the divorce settlement check will be coming which I need to pay my taxes and figure out what to do with the house. I am still married at this point and my husband's attorney was supposed to have overnighted the check to my attorney last Thursday (a week ago). That was never done, nor did he provide my attorney with an explanation. It is distressing that no one seems to be concerned that we have no money for food (pension check gets deposited on the first). I had to borrow $50.00 from a friend but that went so quickly it was almost like we never received it.
It is tremendously hard not to be able to give your teens a couple bucks when they go out. At least I can turn to a book or my knitting for comfort. Last night we had the following for dinner:
Frozen fish fillets from the dollar store - $2.00
Canned green beans .49
Boxed scalloped potatoes 1.29
Corn muffins from box mix .39
Soda 1.60
Total 5.77
My oldest made a comment about there not being "good" food in the house and while I agreed with him, I also remarked that no one has starved. Yes, we've eaten a bit more peanut butter and jelly and gone without treats but no one has really been hungry. Still, it is hard to be so limited in what we can and can't do. And eating is such a basic part of our lives that we take so much for granted - until it becomes a challenge to afford groceries.
My oldest is now griping that we can't afford a cell phone charger - the boys' charger is broken. I just had to tell him that I only have $2.00 and a charger is $30.00. I'm surprised that we still have cell phone service anyway since I'm late on the bill. I'm expecting them to cut off service any day and won't be able to restore it until Wednesday.
Life is clearly challenging right now but I'm trying hard to remain calm. For me, the greatest hardship is having to face such an uncertain future. I don't know where we'll end up living; I don't know where I'll be working. I long for stability and peace of mind - solely lacking in my life since my husband died. The divorce and utter disregard (meanness) of my second husband put me in a total tailspin which I'm just now climbing out of.
I need help and guidance in getting through this dark period of my life. I really don't know what to do or which path to take. The only thing I have been able to do is get up every morning and face the day. I'm having trouble getting financial and legal advice about bankruptcy and foreclosure even though I have three attorneys working with me right now - divorce, real estate and bankruptcy. Everyone is just going along in a holding pattern and I need to have some finalization in order to feel like I can move on with my life - starting with having this divorce finalized! Not knowing why it is being dragged out is yet another torment for me - is it possible my husband wants me to experience even more pain and unrest?
Today I am grateful:
1. That no one has gone hungry this month, which has been the most challenging for us financially.
2. That I still have cell phone service.
3. That I haven't lost my mind yet or started drinking heavily.
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