I think I am beginning to understand why having negative thoughts is so upsetting to me. My grief counselor told me to stick with the feelings and by doing so I am unlocking the door.
1. Having negative feelings is not the answer - we don't gain anything from dwelling on them and I end up feeling much worse in the end - even more down and then I am upset with myself for even having them in the first place. I think there is a part of me (deep inside) that gets this and that is why my inability to curb my jealousy, anger, self-pity and vengeful thoughts is so conflicting. Because on the other hand I get my counselor's view that we should not stifle our feelings but hear them out. I have just reached the point now where I know that is not the direction to take to achieve the life of love that I want to experience.
2. I think the problem is that we have all grown up hearing how to "Love our neighbor," "Turn the other cheek" and "Forgive and forget" but that is where that advice ends. How do you actually forgive someone who greatly harmed you or your children? We're told what to do but not the steps to take to accomplish the forgiveness. And I can say from experience that someone just can't wake up one morning with love in their hearts for someone who has betrayed them. Even though I am understanding that my negativity isn't the way to accomplish the peace I am seeking, I am somewhat uncertain how to replace the negative, hateful emotions with positive, loving ones. So that is the next step on my journey - figuring out how to put being more loving into practice every day!
I was reading Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's book "The Power of Intention" before I went to sleep last night and the following passage on page 44 resonated with me about negativity.
"Low energy thoughts that weaken us fall in the realm of shame, anger, hatred, judgment, and fear. Each of these inner thoughts weakens us and inhibits us from attracting into our lives what we desire. If we become what we think about, and what we think about is what's wrong with the world and how angry and ashamed and fearful we are, it stands to reason that we'll act on those unkind thoughts and become what we're thinking about. When you think, feel, and act kindly, you give yourself the opportunity to be like the power of intention. When you're thinking and acting otherwise, you've left the field of intention, and you've assured yourself of feeling cheated by the all-creative Spirit of intent."
Today I am grateful:
1. That the recent difficult aspects of my life (divorce, financial strain, potential foreclosure) haven't dragged me down yet!
2. That I want to use those events to empower me and become a better person for the Universe.
3. That I continue to be reminded of the gift I was given when my husband died - Knowing that "Love is the answer."