Today I am going out with a girlfriend to attend a local volleyball game and then dinner after. I am greatly looking forward to this - from the drink at dinner, to the girl talk, to just getting out and mingling with others. I've found the last few years somewhat isolating since I haven't worked and for a number of years I was so focused on caring for seriously ill family members. So tonight's event is a good thing for me all around. Only when I discussed the evening's plans with my youngest, he became very rude and upset that I wouldn't be home to drive him around to friend's houses. I told him he'd have to arrange his own transportation which is what two of my divorced girlfriends tell their high schoolers (and one still has her ex-husband living in the home).
I am just finding it very challenging to try and establish any kind of social life for myself. I've always put the boy's needs ahead of my own and I suppose I am now paying the price - the youngest one especially expects me to be at his beck and call. The oldest is more tolerant of my plans because he has friends who can drive and they have been good about picking him up.
So this situation has me feeling a bit frustrated and down right now. It is another factor that I just don't think people get about the lives of widows. Most of us want to reestablish our social lives but being able to coordinate one sometimes seems near impossible. I do not feel comfortable letting the boys on their own overnight (once they left the oven on while making cookies; another time they left their keys in the door; and before I forget, they also microwaved Ramen Noodles without any water in the container and the whole house smelled like burned Ramen Noodles for days!). So my nighttime excursions are usually arranged around the boy's athletic events and when I have to be home to pick one of them up from one of their friends.
Just another challenge to have to figure out and then execute. I am focused on getting out there and being more social. I want to move on with my life and for me that means meeting a special man, falling in love and eventually remarrying. I will not settle for less. But in the meantime I still have to work out the parenting glitches and how to be in two places at once - on a date and dropping my kids off. In the past the kids won but I am slowly seeing that I have to have some time too. But it is just a struggle that married moms never have to even contemplate.
Today I am grateful:
1. For my girlfriends.
2. For the end of Winter.
3. For being ready to meet new people.