Wednesday, December 2, 2009

No One Said It Would Be Easy

The boys are giving us a rough time about the move. Last night the oldest threatened to take the van and drive back home. Both are saying they will find friends to stay with so they can continue to attend their old school. The youngest refused to go to school today claiming he has a migraine. I called the school and asked to make an appointment with their counselor.

According to the boys, no one has talked with them and they ate alone at lunch. They each have three study halls because the elective classes they were taking aren't offered here. The youngest claims he is behind because the classes here are ahead of where he was back home. He refused my help with his French worksheet.

I am torn between being sympathetic and giving them a kick in the pants and telling them to cope and deal with it. Maybe in a way I am doing both at the same time. GF is upset with me because he wants more appreciation/credit for helping us (especially me being in my current financial state). He told me he did not think there would be anyone else willing to take on our family.

I just continue to feel tired and drained and want to escape into bed with the covers up over my head. I am exhausted from all these years of only parenting. I know GF needs to feel appreciated but so do I just for having survived the past year! No one is patting me on the back for my sacrifices or enduring hardship.

I don't want the boys to live away from me. I like the feel of the four of us living here in this house. It feels like a family again - what we haven't experienced in seven years. The boys don't know what it feels like to live in a home with a strong male/father presence. But I do. And I want that back.


  1. Teenagers are not the most empathetic people. It's part of the age. And they could be trying to see if you will cave and let them have their way simply because sustained assaults are how kids react when they feel they have no control and they are upset.

    You are the parent. And that's the bottom line. But, it might not hurt to have a plan B if the boys aren't able to settle in. One that everyone inputs into and that takes all needs into account.

  2. I just have to say something, I think GF has some serious issues. After all YOU have been through, he's telling you that he needs to feel appreciated?, that he wants to be appreciated for "helping" you, and that noone would take on your family as if he is some great savior? Wow, you are worried about how your teenage sons are acting when I think your GF is very immature and self-absorbed. I don't condone what your sons are doing, but my goodness, after all the changes they have had to deal with, it's not surprising. I'm sorry to be so blunt but you have been the one with the losses -- major losses. I think GF needs to appreciate you for how you have handled yourself and getting things in order for you to move to be with him. Just my opinion.

  3. the counselor for your sons is an excellent idea. i'm sorry but i agree with anonymous. your GF has issues. all i know is what you write. you vent about him but then defend him. all the variables are unknown for anyone to give you any kind of serious advice from any kind of informed position in this venue, but, having said that, there are heavy issues here that need to be worked on from all angles. i always worry when sons feel they can speak to their mother as you state yours speak to you. and i especially always worry when a man feels that he is owed gratitude by a woman who has had the stress and beat downs that life has given you.

    again, i echo anonymous by saying only my opinion.

  4. I don't mean to pile onto your already long list of worries, but like anonymous and womanNshadows warning bells went off when GF said he needed to feel appreciation and that no one else would take on a "ready made" family. Where is that coming from? What about all that you've had to endure, and are still enduring. I understand the boys misery. They are having a very difficult time coping, and unfortunately are probably compounding their problems at school with projecting a very unhappy demeanor. How many of today's kids are going to want to make friends with someone they may perceive as being sullen? Just a thought. None of us are there in your situation and we can only base our responses on your comments. I really do keep you in my prayers. But I am still concerned about GF.

  5. GF was just stating his honest feelings and...that's nice to have a man that will state his feelings, but...he needs to give you a lot of support right now--this is only the first week..and later, when you all get settled, you can heap your praise and appreciation on him.

    By all means--get counseling for the kids!!!

  6. These posts sometimes do not convey the entire picture or total situation. They are from my viewpoint and I put down bits and pieces of a day, what is important to me, what flows out. In this instance, I did not equally present the facts that I was verbally resisting the move to the new town with GF and he responded to that in his comments about feeling unappreciated.

    I wrote this post and got out what needed to be gotten out - then didn't check for comments. Poor GF came home from a long day at work and I was in bed depressed, blue, down and out. He told me he had read some of the comments during his lunch break and felt bad about them. But he has never been critical of what or how I write. Nor has he felt as though he has had to change himself because of what others have written. He knows that those who comment don't know us personally and your view can only come from what I have chosen to disclose.

    I always appreciate all of your comments and words of concern. I will try to present both sides of the story more accurately in the future.