Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Make Difficult Times Loving

I read this short interview from "O" Magazine with actress Julianna Margulies (from 11/09). This is what she said and her words are speaking to me very strongly. So I am passing them along here.

"...I say to myself at least once a day: This is just a moment; it's not the rest of your life. I say it to my niece, who's 19 and isn't sure that she wants to do with her life; when she's 30, she'll wish she had just enjoyed being 19. I tell it to my friends who are having babies. I say, "Enjoy all of it, even the stressful things, because you'll never have that time with them again." What people say is true: You SHOULD live in the present. Instead of making difficult times hard, make them loving. Knowing that this is just one moment, whatever kind of moment it is, is a more peaceful way to live."

The words that really got to me were: "Instead of making difficult times hard, make them loving." Maybe I would revise hard to harder.

My new mantra: I will try to be loving and focus on love, even through these difficult times because they are just a moment, not the rest of my life. And I so want to feel peace.

These next words appear in a little box within the text of the interview. They also speak to me.

"All moments pass quickly - the good ones as well as the bad. So enjoy all of it."

Food for thought for us all as we end a year that I know brought challenges to many and on the eve of 2010.


  1. Amen.

    Wishing you a new year full of hope.


  2. That is so profound. I try very hard to live in the 'now'. Try not to worry about the future (there WILL be enough) and try even harder not to dwell on anything negative from the past. Even now, 3 years later, thinking of the sweet moments is still painful. I do it sparingly. That is my hope for the New Year, that I will gain the ability to look back at the good things and not feel pain and remember the joy that was in that moment.

    I will try to apply the principle that positive thoughts bring positive results. It seems to be working with 'there will be enough'. Although I think I need to adjust that one a tad, maybe to 'there will be just a little more than enough', cuz I am getting damn sick of ramen noodles and mac and cheese in the box, lol! But the bills are paid and, so far, the checking account isn't overdrawn, close but not quite. Like my grandfather used to tell me, "Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades". He was a great man.

  3. Thank you so much for passing on that wisdom. Today, of all days, I REALLY needed the reminder to stay in the present, see the love and look forward positively instead of with dread, which in itself can manifest a lot of uncertainty.
    Happy New year, and I thank you for your very honest sharing, from which, I take lessons each time.
    2010 will be a wonderful year!

  4. Ever since my husband died, I have appreciated the here and now so much more. I've treasured the daily moments that I once took for granted. Even during the bad times, I approach them differently now ... knowing they could be over in the blink of an eye. The little moments added up with other little moments make up our life. So, make each moment as good as I can is important to me. What a great reminder.

  5. Jenny - Wishing us all a hopeful 2010.

    Kelly - I totally agree with you about the positive thoughts. And yes, to ask for more than just to get by - we're seeing a lot of Ramen Noodles, mac & cheese and Banquet frozen dinners right now too. You may not have seen my comment in an older post, but if you wouldn't mind, can you fill me in on some of the details of the boys having to move? How far will they be from you and what were the reasons for the move? How are they handling/dealing with it?

    Cape Cod Kitty - Today someone told me that 2010 cannot be worse than 2009 so I am going to believe that and not dwell on the unknown. You are so right about dread and uncertainty feeding on one another. And they are both intangibles that don't even exist!

    Anonymous - It can be hard to focus on the good during all of our experiences. I like how you mention taking the daily moments for granted. We really do. But I've come to believe that it is all the little moments that end up having more impact. Thanks for your insight.

  6. Right now they are living in WI and have been since their Dad died. Their Mom was involved with a man who was from there and he convinced her to move there. That relationship was not a good one for them. The guy loved her but not them. In fact, he was jealous of them. She finally left him this past May and they went from living in a big house to living in a small apartment in the same town. That took some adjustment and after a decent period of what I called 'pissing and moaning', they settled in and have done well since. This past August she met someone new and this relationship has gotten serious fast. Serious to the extent that marriage and more children are on the table. This man, while he owns a home in WI is from FL and wants to return here. He travels extensively for business and FL is one of his territories. She is having a very hard time making ends meet without the support of a partner. The job that she has is in jeopardy. She has made it by several layoffs in the past months, had her pay cut in order to do so but has been told that it is just a matter of time before they close the doors. She has no family, no support of any kind there. She is alone.
    So the plan is to move them back here at the end of the school year. She will be in Orlando, about 3 hrs from me. The oldest will have the most difficulty because he will be entering high school and has made some of his first real friendships while in WI. Prior to their moving he was somewhat of a loner and he has really blossomed up there. The youngest will be far easier, he is just that kind of kid. Wherever Mom goes and so long as she is happy he will be fine. When they move she will not have to work, this man is what I would call wealthy. She will be 3 hrs from family and friends.
    They have made several trips recently down here and I think the oldest sees the writing on the wall. He is already making comments about not moving back to FL and even went so far as to say he would move back in the with old BF, whom he despises to make his point. So I am expecting a battle royal. I told her that she cannot just spring this on them that she needs to tell them no later than Feb so that they have time to adjust to the idea. The oldest is going to make her life a living hell between than and the time they leave. This is what is best for them. She is going to lose her job and even if this man weren't in the picture she would then have to move back for family support. Even if, in the worst case scenario, this relationship doesn't work out, she will be close enough to home to receive help. I truly hope it does work because for the first time she is with someone who loves her children. I am concerned about the plan for more children but given their current ages, the ultimate impact on them will be minimal as they will be off to college and on with their own lives while any new children would ostensibly be toddlers. I will be close enough to participate in their sporting/school activities as well as have the ability to have them come here whenever they want. That is the current situation. I will let you know how big the reaction is once they are told. When they originally had to move to WI there was also a huge reaction, but they adapted, even to that ungodly cold! Now we do it again in reverse.
    BTW......lots of Banquet dinners here too, lol!