Thursday, December 31, 2009
It Will Find Us
Went to Taco Bell to get the guys a cheap, filling dinner before they went out for their frolicking with friends (I am here on my lonesome and feeling a bit blue and lonely). But enough about that. As I walked up to the counter to place my order, I noticed an older/retired couple eating their dinner. A couple of things went through my mind. First, that it was kind of sad to be eating a New Year's Eve meal at Taco Bell. Then, I felt those surges of jealousy. Why do these people get to be together? Why isn't my husband still with me so in 20 years he and I would be like this couple? But then I took stock of my thoughts and feelings and told myself to knock it off. I smiled at the woman and she smiled back. I thought instead of being jealous that this couple is so lucky to be together - to even have a partner to join them at a crummy Taco Bell. What a blessing, what a gift. I looked at this man and woman and wished them well, wished them love, and felt grateful that they are together. Maybe if I can harness this energy and focus it outward when I see such couples together in the future, it will mean more than my feeling bitter and envious. Seeing this lovely couple gave me hope. I felt the love and connection between them. It is what I so want for myself and my future. And rather than begrudge that, I will celebrate it whenever I cross its path. To love, wherever and however it finds us - with friends, lovers, the soul mates we miss and family. To all those who connect with us in numerous ways throughout our days and to those who reach out to us as we forge ahead. To those who have loved us and those we have loved (even Husband #2) and the love that WILL greet us all in 2010. TO LOVE! It will find us, sometimes when we least expect it. Alone at a Taco Bell on a cold, wintry New Year's Eve. And we need to let it in.