Sunday, August 2, 2009

Very Rare Play Day

Having worked every weekend (sometimes all three days) for more than the past three months, I finally had a Saturday off, yesterday, although I did work Friday and then again today. I am so unused to this I almost didn't know what to do with myself! I went grocery shopping and then spent a few hours at an antiques show. I went last year and did not buy any of the glassware I collect because I was so worried about the finances. I remember telling myself a year ago that things would be better in the future, and that I would be able to afford some purchases when I returned this year.

I did get some items (after cutting a very good discount with one of the dealers). I would have liked to have been able to have gotten some of the larger and more rare pieces but again I told myself that next year it'll be better and hopefully I'll be able to get one then (something sure to look forward to).

Collecting my glassware gives me tremendous pleasure and I enjoyed talking to the antique dealers. I met a woman who has a large amount of my glassware which she sells in an antique mall as well as out of her home. It is good to have somewhat of a local source that I can go to in the future.

Despite our still perilous financial situation I allowed myself these purchases as a birthday gift - I turn 50 at the end of August and believe that surviving half a century deserves some award/recognition. I have also bought no clothing items in a year or much of anything for myself so felt a little less guilty for spending some money at the show. I've been able to pick up some pieces throughout the year when I come across them - my rule is that I'll get them if they are under $20.00 and most have only been about $10.00.

Anyway, it felt wonderful to browse at the show even though I was by myself. Last year that really upset me - I didn't even think about much it this year since I was having so much fun.

In the evening, despite great complaining by my oldest who wanted the car, I went out to dinner with my guy friend and his son. That was also very nice - just to be treated and waited on for a change. It was a casual place but the food (turkey melt, fries and side salad) were pretty darn tasty, especially after a fancy drink cocktail that was the evening's special. My guy friend indulged me in listening to me talk about the glassware I collect and looking at the pieces I purchased. I think I caught him yawning but I'll give him a break for that!

It was such a rare day to spend completely on myself (they are so few and far between with work and caring for the boys). As hard as it is, I have to start carving out more time for myself. My guy friend noticed my mood was much lighter and he also noted how much happiness I get from my little glassware collection. Just looking at it makes me smile! The rainbow of bright, cheery colors! My ex-husband got the collection we established together per our divorce agreement (over 100 pieces) but I now have 18 of my own! Part of the fun of going to antique shops, garage sales, etc. is in the hunt for a new piece. And there are plenty of the lower cost pieces out there to find - I don't need to spend $100.00. I kind of get a high from the searching and then bargaining process. It is also how I feel about knitting, my other passion. So I will really, really try to make an effort to incorporate both of those interests more frequently in my life.

Today at work I got through the eight hours much more easily (it was still hard) no doubt to having had a rare day of play.

Today I am grateful:

1. For the pretty much perfect summer day weather on Friday and again today.
2. For Queen Anne's Lace flowers by the side of the road.
3. For the folks who live in town and plant Sunflowers in their front yards!
4. For how the flowers and trees have that settled/mature summer look right now (at their peak).
5. That the three pound of ground turkey I made up into sloppy Joe's and tacos lasted all weekend and even through tonight. It is such a blessing to come home after working on my feet eight hours and not having to cook except to heat something up.


  1. it sounds like you had a wonderful day! i'm happy for you. did your boys go with you all that night? and who is the guy friend? i know you want to find love again. is he simply a friend, or is the potential there for the friendship to evolve?

    i'm glad you had that time to be out and shop a little bit. the freedom of getting into a car and driving around. the freedom to buy yourself something, even if you have to budget. friends. i envy you a little bit. not in a bad way. just a little melancholy here. but i'm so very happy for you. this writing sounds so much happier. =o) big smiles for you.

  2. Thank you for checking in - it was nice to have a day off from the normal stress and strain. My guy friend likes to take all of us out for dinner together but I just went on my own since it was a "Mom's Time Out" day for myself. He and I get along extremely well but he is adamant in not wanting to remarry and he knows that remarriage is important to me. His 11-year old son has told his dad that he should marry me and given his approval for me being his nice, future stepmother but that hasn't swayed my friend's position.

    Our friendship at times makes me rather sad because here are two people very well-suited for one another but he has told me that he cannot undertake the responsibility for a ready-made family (unlike your Marine). Basically, our only argument in the year we have known one another has been on the marriage issue.

    This is a crazy time of adjustment for so many of us mid-lifers out there - he lost his management job a few months back and his son is moving out of state. I am moving out of my home and into smaller quarters. For now I am letting the situation coast and am focusing on what I need (to pack and move and get reestablished in a full-time job). I also need to devote time and attention to my boys and myself!

    I enjoy my guy friend's company so I wanted to spend time with him because he makes me happy. But at the same time I am very lonely sleeping alone and want to be in a total, committed relationship where both partners are looking forward and working toward the future. My guy friend knows I will be out dating but so far no prospects have shown up on my radar.

    Thanks for listening. It is funny you mentioning envying me a little bit because I so envy many of the other widowed moms who post here but are not experiencing the financial hardship I am.

  3. i know what you mean about the financial hardship. i'm working long hours, late into the night and getting up early to start all over to try and finish another quilt for another payday. i am out of sandwich bread, milk, and butter - mere staples but i don't have the money. i still have some meals - am going to make a stew tomorrow to simmer all day and i can make that last for 5 or 6 days. most days i can swing two meals a day but other times, only one. so, like you, i am completely depressed reading about people and their homes, gardens, and the loving support from so many friends and family. my sweet daughter is working so hard for the little she earns and is trying to be there for me emotionally. but we get by. somehow we get by.

    i'd rather be dirt poor with my husband, though, because he made every single day survivable. i knew i would never hit ground when he was there. now, sometimes, i just don't know. i honestly don't know anymore.

    i know these are your words, wanting someone to go through the tough times with. i want him back so badly that i crumble. i feel like i'm breaking apart, but i have to keep going. i want to continue to be the woman he fell in love with. that's my goal for each and every day. just continue on as he did every day for me. i want him to be proud of me, to look down and now worry about not being strong enough.

    i'm glad you have your guy friend but i think you deserve better. as you remarked, my Marine knew all the baggage i came with and didn't hesitate to shoulder the bulk of the load. you need someone like that. i know this is going to sound completely crazy but since i've been reading your writing, i've started paying attention to the eharmony commercials. when i see those, you come to mind, your wishes for your life. you need someone to screen for you to find a perfect match. don't laugh at me. i only have your best interests at heart. i think everyone deserves to have the love i had with my Marine.

    take care of yourself. and i'm wondering if you shouldn't check my profile for my email contact so we can communicate without being so public in the comment box. you can decide if you wish to. i just feel a pen pal connection with you. you are so close to my age and going through the same financial troubles as me though you are much further along in your grief. i leave the decision up to you.

    peace always

  4. yeah, a happy day.

  5. Your day sounds lovely. I am so glad you could have it.