Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Use Love to Burn Through Grief

I read about the concept of "using love as a deliberate strategy for dealing with the pain of an unacceptable loss" in Dr. Ira Byock's book, "The Four Things That Matter Most." He suggests that when you are grieving to "respond to anguish with love." To do this, "each time a wave of grief threatens to tear you apart, ask yourself, "What does love ask of me now?" How can you be more loving toward the person who is dying or has died, and to other important people in his or her life? How can you be more loving toward yourself?"

This way of thinking blew me away! I thought about how I could use it not only for the grieving times (of which there are many) in my life but for all the moments in my day. If I have to make a decision, I can strive to do so within the context of love. If I am dealing with a trying situation at work, I can call on this perspective for support. If I am having a tough time coping, I can ask myself to be gentler, all in the name of love.

"What does love ask of me now?" is a great way for me to keep focused, motivated and cognizant of the power of love which needs to be a greater part of all our lives. In closing his chapter on this topic, Dr. Byock adds, "Death makes us aware of the importance of the people we love and the sustaining force of love in our lives. When someone close to us is dying or has died, we can use love to burn through our grief and come to a place of gratitude for each other and being alive." Such powerful ideas and words. I really like the concept of having love burn though our grief. The mental image I see of this alone is awesome!

Today I am grateful:

1. To be alive.
2. To have shared the time I had with my late husband.
3. That I am still searching for answers and growing.
4. For Drumstick icecream cones.
5. That it is summer and not winter.

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