Friday, October 29, 2010

A Widow's Work is Never Done

My oldest son had a band concert last night. He rushed home from football practice, I made sure his uniform was clean, complete and in good repair, prepared a light meal for him and arranged to get him back to school an hour before the concert started. I told him that I wanted to drive together to save gas. He felt sorry for me having to wait the hour before the concert but I told him I'd use the time to knit, which would be a treat for me.

Turns out though, that in the mad rush to get my son taken care of, I couldn't locate the skein of yarn needed for my project and left with a book and picture search magazine instead. I was disappointed. My life always feels this way. Rushing to and fro and just never quite getting it all together.

Once at the school, I spent some of the free time going to my son's locker to see the spirit posters that have been put up by the pep club during the football season. I walked around the hallways a bit and observed some of the photos they have up of my son - a band picture, one of him at a pep rally surrounded by cheerleaders and when he was the first junior last year in 10 years to be crowned Mr. "High School."

What 's funny is as soon as I entered the auditorium and sat down, my eyes immediately fell on two women in front of me happily knitting away. I also noticed that they were seated next to hubbies, so they probably had time to locate their knitting projects before rushing out the door to attend the concert! But yes, I felt a tinge of envy as I watched their needles clicking away and longed for my own needles in my hands!

I enjoyed the concert very much and wasn't as upset about attending alone as I usually am. This is my son's senior year and I'm trying to focus on that and supporting him as best and fully as I can. I was so proud of him up on stage, so handsome in his tux and as the section leader. Although it has been a trying challenge for me to keep living here, the benefits my son has received from football, band and even being crowned the king of the school last year have been worth it.

Tonight was the football team's first playoff game. It was supposed to only be in the 30s and I did not want to sit alone in the bleachers so I drove over to the parking lot early to snag a spot facing the field so I could watch the game from the car. It got cold by 4th quarter even in the car but was much better than being outside.

I solved the knitting situation too. For a few weeks now my son has been reminding me that his girlfriend asked me to make her a fall scarf. Last Christmas I made her a number of scarves, mittens and a ski band. I almost laughed at my son when he told me his girlfriend wanted a scarf for fall. Me knit her a scarf? When, with what free time? Tonight sitting in the car during the game I got through over half of one for her so fit in my knitting fix. But it is so nice I want one for me too - she specifically requested one with a slit so she can tuck the ends in around her neck. I'm going to sign off now so I can try and finish it for her so she can get it tomorrow.

The team won the game so they move on in the playoffs and there is a pancake breakfast at the school we need to attend tomorrow morning. A busy week. I need to remind myself that it is just me holding down the fort and getting these kids to these events, as well as attending them. I am herewith making a request right now (putting my order in early) for the Heaven that consists of living in a combined knitting and book store attached to a tea cafe, so I'll never be without a book or project and cup of tea when I reach the hereafter - to kind of make up for the disheveled life I currently lead here on earth!


  1. I don't knit, but I second the bookstore and tea cafe, with an ice cream store on the other side.

  2. Thelma - Now why didn't I think of that too! Perfect addition!

  3. You sound happy, I'm glad for you. I would like to learn how to knit but I'm taking care of things too. It seems to take forever to straighten out your (my) life in widowland. Take care.

  4. bianne - I like the term "Widowland." I'm beginning to believe that widowhood is a way of life that will never really be "straightened" out. My life has just gotten so complicated. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Hi Widow in the middle, I ran across your blog about 3 weeks ago and i read almost all of it starting from the beginning. I was obsessed, it was like reading a book that you can't put down. I think becoming a widow is hard and horrible for all of us...but you have had more than your fair share. The reason I didn't finish reading all your blogs is simply because it was making me too sad. Having said that...I looked you up again and i feel your posts are much lighter. I agree with Bianne that you sound happy and I am glad for you too. You are a great mother. I am recently widowed with four children which are now my priority so I really appreciate the love you have for your boys.

  6. A - I wish you all the best right now. Please check back in and let us know how you are doing and what your own insights and growth have been. I know I cannot imagine having to care for four children on my own and I've struggled with the two I am blessed to have. I'm not sure I'm what you would call "happy" but lighter might be the right word. I hope some day I'll really reach a point where I can say I'm happy and then maybe this blog will end. Sometimes it is what keeps me going. Please take care of you and yours!