My younger son and I got into a little tiff when I picked him up from Friday's football game. I mentioned that I hadn't stayed for the whole game because it was so cold and not fun sitting alone in the bleachers, especially when it is cold. He launched into me that it is my fault I sit alone and I should be more social at the games and strike up conversations with the people around me. "Make some new friends, mom," he chastised me.
Well, you can't argue with a teenager. I felt disappointed because it was an emotional game night with it being Senior Night and my having to go out onto the field with my oldest as he was honored. And I know that my youngest is also more emotional about his Dad's death and may have been lashing out his own pain and frustration onto me.
But part of this widowhood gig is having to take the good and bad crap from the kids with no sounding board from another parent, or even adult. There is no one to pass off to - "Here husband, you take this one, I got the last snotty teenage mood."
It's no use trying to explain to my son or even other people in general that it is hard enough just for me to attend these school and athletic events on my own for years on end when I miss having my husband see his boys perform with such an ache in my heart it is almost indescribable. Not really conducive emotions in which to start chatting with your bleacher neighbors when you're fighting back tears and trying to keep a grip on your emotions so you can watch you sons play through your watery eyes.
Same thing with those other frequent phrases I often hear - "Get a life" or "Get a job." What do you say? It's not like someone can snap their fingers and just get a job like that. Unfortunately, we live in this world that expects instant results and isn't particularly patient. Well, from experience I know that turning one's life around takes some time. So I guess all one can say when confronted by a surly son or less than sympathetic party is to simply reply, "I'm trying" or "I'm doing the best that I can."