Friday, February 27, 2009

Getting outside my comfort zone

I have a good friend who has been giving me job hunting advice. His most recent was that I should ask to talk with the manager wherever I am applying, get their name and let them know I am widowed and looking for work. When he first recommended this I felt very resentful and a bit put off. This is not my style at all and I am having a hard enough time just walking into a McDonald's and getting an application in the first place! I talked to him a little about this (at least he listens and tried to understand) and he replied that I need to get out of my comfort zone. That was when I really felt upset. Everyday since my husband died I have lived outside my comfort zone and now I have to go above and beyond and continue stretching myself. I am already sick and tired of being out of my comfort zone!

In fairness to my friend, I realized his advice was sound and I made a promise to myself that I would try his tactic and see what happened. I went to four places today and found that mentioning I was a widow actually resulted in two managers (my age) seemingly expressing more interest than usual - one even asked my name and said she would watch for my application to come in next week. I also found that I got better and more comfortable with the process as I kept doing it. All that practice makes perfect stuff.

In any case, I guess the point I am making is that it is already hard enough being a widow and just trying to survive another day. But then we are forced to take on even more challenges and it is just all so tiring and difficult, each and every day. People out there really have no idea of what this is like. It is like belonging to an exclusive club (this might be a good title for a book - "The Widow's Club"). Only the benefits of the club aren't so great.

Today I am grateful:

1. That we made it through the month of February and didn't even use the Food Pantry (thank goodness).
2. That my oldest had his band tryouts this week and made the top/exclusive group which is an honor since he is only a Sophomore and the group is mainly composed of Seniors. But that makes it even more imperative that we stay in the same school district so I feel even more pressure on me. (So this one is kind of a double-edged sword - I'm grateful but also more worried as a result).
3. That both boys are popular and very socially adjusted. Because in the end, our relationships and friendships are what have the greatest meaning.


  1. I was asked once what I did to stay busy, you know, not having a husband around to “keep me busy”. I stared at her and said, “You know all that stuff your husband does around the house, taking care of the yard, the car, the taxes, etc.? Add that to all the stuff YOU do around the house. That’s what I do to stay busy!” You’re right, they don’t have a clue.

  2. I couldn't have said it better! I should devote a post to all the absolutely stupid and thoughtless comments people have made to me over the years regarding my husband's death.