Anyway, I saw this gardening truck near my job this week on my way to work and stopped to snap this photo. It made me think of how summer is the season for most of us when we can relax a bit more and slow down. And if it isn't, we need to make an effort to do so. That will be my focus this summer. To make more time for fun and to recover from the eight long years that I've devoted to my boys - to get them through high school and on their way to college - concentrating on all their activities and interests so they'd become well-rounded and stay out of trouble.
It was all worth it and I'd do it all over again. But the past years have taken a severe toll. I am drained, tired, depleted and spent.
Tomorrow is my oldest's graduation ceremony. The band will be playing his original composition again (still need to post about the band concert in which it debuted). I absolutely dreaded attending this event on my own. For some reason it seemed doubly painful to be sitting alone. Although my close girlfriend will be on stage as she is a teacher at the high school, I will be sitting with her family - her ex-husband, his mom and their two sons. I could not bear to be in among the sea of parents by my lonesome without some anchor to grab on to. Especially on this significant day.
I am so happy and elated for all of the accomplishments my oldest achieved in his highly successful high school career. But there is also a part of me that is somewhat numb as this era comes to a close. I think widows often find themselves feeling conflicted emotions - it comes with the territory. It has been a long, hard road and although the ending is turning out to be a good one, I simply can't and won't wipe out the tears and trials that accompanied this journey.
There is celebration but also a sense of reality and somberness about the past. All the more reason to make this summer of fun a reality!