Thursday, June 23, 2011

Lost Minds and Cookbooks

You know it is bad PMS when you go ahead and order the XL frozen hot chocolate. $4.00 well spent.

Had a bad week. Was getting worried since I felt so down and out, not to mention fatigued/drained. What was getting me the most down was even just the thought of doing all the household chores - laundry, cleaning, cooking. shopping, taking the garbage/recycling out. Didn't have it in me to do any of this stuff - virtually no energy. Also, feel some testiness which means general annoyance at stupid people, e.g. semitruck drivers who don't wait in line like the rest of us for 15 minutes in construction zones and just cut in.

I do get depressed at having to do everything on my own and living alone. It seems so endless and I'm so tired from the previous years of doing everything. It is a big fat myth that adversity makes one stronger. In my opinion, it just makes you more depleted with less hope and energy. The exact opposite of what people always perkily quip.

Tonight I was ready to make two dinners with sale ingredients from the store, but then I couldn't find the cookbook I needed to use. I was so dispirited after this. Not being able to find things is pretty much a daily occurrence in my home. I would say that it stems from a combination of not enough time to stay on top of clutter as an only parent always running around after teen boys and trying to maintain a household without another parental unit for support or teamwork.

So I decided to stop fretting about the cookbook - I mean where can a cookbook go if it is not on the bookshelf, or floor (looked under all furniture and the bed) and in the kitchen and even went out to the cars, but how or why it would have ended up there didn't seem likely. I decided to whip up a huge batch of French Toast to use up some eggs. But then I couldn't find the vanilla extract when I'm sure there was a full bottle around just the other day. Where would a bottle of vanilla go if it isn't in the cabinets or with the spices? Maybe I am really out of it and just don't remeber using it all? That's another side effect of always having to stay on top of life by your lonesome - sometimes you do lose it, you just can't help it, the cards come tumbling down.

I try to keep the stress of my life as a long-term only parent out of the equation of my moods but find that sometimes I can't. Why should I put on my happy face all the time? "It is what it is," everyone always says. Combine life with PMS and it can feel pretty insurmountable.


  1. I hate that feeling of not being able to find something that was "right there" a week ago. The PMS will pass and hopefully, your mood will improve a bit.

  2. I can't find my business checkbook. I think I left it at the bank. Fortunately no one has written a check on that account. It's driving me nuts.
    what I usually lose is my keys. I try to be more careful about putting them on the bar since I have no one to help me find them, but lots of times I forget and have to scurry all around the house searching and telling myself how dumb I am when I could just put them in the same place every time.
    I am having trouble with Google letting me post on some blogs, so I am currently posting as Anonymous. Thelma Z

  3. Just a thought. Given the relentless stress you are under, you may be vitamin and mineral deficient. Also may have adrenal (gland) exhaustion. I had both situations and could hardly lift my head. I needed to top off my iron and B Vitamins (especially B12) and address my adrenal exhaustion with an alternative supplement in liquid drop form. In a month's time I felt enormously better. If you want more specific info write me; otherwise a well informed staff person in a health food store will help you. Please hang in there, OK?