Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Packing and Packing

Summer Toys
Just a brief update. The move and moving is proving pretty much terrible. I would rank the process up there as one of the most stressful. I've been rather upset about it all on the pity path of "poor me, I have to do this all on my own." My therapist wants me to work on my "victim mentality" and to use my anger over moving alone by swearing as I pack boxes and trying to pack faster. So far those strategies haven't helped much but talking to a therapist has, and I really, really want to start chucking this victim mentality and move way beyond that.

So, as much as I'd like to be lazing about, my time is being spent frantically packing. I've had to go ahead and hire a mover realizing that I just can't move everything on my lonesome, especially from the second floor of an apartment complex. My youngest son can't help with any lifting anyway. I hate having to spend the money for a moving company but now that I have one, I do feel less stressed. I'm still doing all the packing on my own and some of the moving to save as much of the cost as possible.

I'm planning on using the first few weeks after the boys are in school to unpack, sort and organize a new household. That will end up being a vacation for me and that I am looking forward to. But for now I have to keep at this unpleasant chore.

Even with my best intentions of getting rid of possessions, it is amazing that I do have so much stuff! I'm not happy about owning so much. What I'm finding as I sort through everything, is that what means the most to me are those items not worth anything monetarily - photos, scrapbooks, family videos, the ceramic pots my sons made, and their trophies.

My sons both took a number of ceramics classes in high school. For some reason, all the pots, vases and bowls they made tended to be green and blue. So I've decided to use them all as the focal point for the living room of my new home. I'm going to emphasize decorating with what I most love and will try to keep things uncluttered and simple. I can't wait for the day I unpack those pots. I want them to be the first thing I see when I open the front door and look into my home. I will be sure to post a photo.

33 comments:

  1. My husband died in November. My kid is a rising sophomore in college. I was relocated to another town and the move was horrible. It has been exactly like falling off a cliff.

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  2. I can believe it will be crazy til all the boxes and furniture settle in to your new home. If I had to do all that, I think I would break down. I admire your pluck, your wisdom, and your honesty about how scary if all is.

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  3. I have been thinking of you as I am busy packing things and putting them in the appropriate places -- storage and my parent's home. I am glad you are using a moving company, although I understand the finances thing. But for you well-being, it is necessary. I am still overwhelmed as to what needs to be done, but it is getting there. Then to have to sell -- Ugh! I hate that process. I at least had the help of my husband and my children were smaller and didn't have such "big" things. I dread the realtors calling last minute to show the house at the most inconvenient times and then not showing up or coming later. I will have to set some rules and depend on God totally to sell this house. He did it once before quicker than we expected in a down market, He can do it again!

    I, too, am keeping those things that are priceless that my children made and some things of my husbands'. Otherwise, many things have been given away to those in need.

    Many blessings and can't wait to hear of your new place. I hope it is somewhere very special, just like you!

    Much love!

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  4. I know you are probably so busy with moving, getting your sons moved into their colleges, navigating through life, but wanted you to know I am thinking of you and hoping things will get settled for you soon.

    Much love!

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  5. I am continually amazed by all you have accomplished over the past few years. I can barely go to church alone without crying, but having to move without Fred's help would totally undo me. This widowhood stuff is awful!!!

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  6. I hope you now have some space to call your own, a place where you can have a cup of coffee in peace, with no meals and no laundry to do but your own. Is the dhe dust clearing? Love you for trying to figure this new empty nest and widowhood thing out, and sharing it with us. Please post, I'd love to hear from you!

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  7. Found you today. WOW! I couldn't have put my thoughts & feelings to words as well as you have described me. My husband passed away when I was 43 and I've raised my children. Now they are young adults and leaving home. (They are wonderful!) I'm concerned with what the future might hold and of facing it alone. I'm looking at moving out of this house and can relate to what you're going through. There are days I just don't want to deal with anything, I'm tired of plowing on alone. I just want a simple, contented life!

    You have validated that widowhood is a difficult road and helped me realize that I'm not alone in finding it challenging at times. Thank you (who needs a degree to help others - you're doing great). Always wishing you and all the others here the best on this journey. I too live in suburban Chicago.

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  8. Back after a long absence. I see you've been moving. Good luck in your new home. I've missed my blogging buddies, but life has been chaotic--my son had a stroke, my daughter moved to take a new job, then I had a break-in and I finished the summer with a bad reaction to an antibiotic. Thank goodness it's fall

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  9. WiTM, I'm worried about you. I hope the urge to share returns to you, because I'd like to listen. Hugs

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  10. I'm with you Flo. WITM, hoping you are o.k. -- concerned for you and miss hearing from you. Please let us know you are alright! Much love!!

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  11. Really missing you and your writing! Hope all is going well. Thank you again for sharing and for validating all of the widow feelings we go through. Thank you for putting into words the thoughts and feelings that come with this journey. Miss you!

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  12. Where are you? We miss you and some of us are kind of worried about you.

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  13. Looks like she's trying other things such as a new blog http://widowintransition.blogspot.com/

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  14. I’m sure your therapist’s advice worked! It’s actually a cool thing to use your negative emotions work for you. When we are angry, pressured, and the sort, we tend to move faster, with much more purpose. It’s pretty clever to use that speed in packing. I think you should be in the same emotional state once you do the unpacking. ;D

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  15. I checked the other blog and it's an old one--from 2011. I just hope she's all right.

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  16. You keep a lot of stuff! It’s no wonder it took you quite some time to finally pack all your things. Before, I had the same problem. It was hard for me to throw away my valuables, mainly for their sentimental value. I wanted to keep everything as much as possible. So, what I did was I got myself a self-storage unit and I stored all my “treasures” there. Now, I don’t have to choose which stays and which goes.

    -Erik Littles

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  17. I check back here often hoping to hear from WITM. I hope you are alright. Many care and if you can, let us know.

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  18. The decorating phase you’ve mentioned sounds interesting. Hmm, I wonder what the outcome of that scheme was. Can you show us what it really looks like? Yes, from the front door up to the innermost part. Pretty please? =)

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  19. Hello!
    I am 40 and have a 6 years old son. My husband died 7 months ago and left me with nothing!! My son's future is secured but his present only God knows. I have had ill advice from an attorney and it seems to me that everyone is trying to take advantage of my situation. Just venting cause I am alone, confused, angry and lost!
    It's taking soooo long for me to start making plans that I feel like I am floating around in dismay.

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    Replies
    1. Please go to this site--there is help there.
      http://www.widowsspeakup.com/

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  20. Are you going to come back? Please come back. I miss you!

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  21. Does anyone know what happened to WITM? Just wondering if any one heard from her and if she is o.k. and is at a good place in her life, thus not writing and moving forward. I hope so.

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  22. Anonymous on December 3rd--please go to this site
    http://www.widowsspeakup.com/
    there is help there.

    I don't know happened to WITM--I sure miss her!!!

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  23. So, I am new here. Lost my husband January 29, 2012 and even before his death anniversary I lost my mom January 10, 2013. The first year I seem to move smoothly through the grief process, but for some reason since my mother's passing I am really struggling.

    The plan was to begin moving from my 7 acre inheritance that my husband kept looking like a park. The upkeep is very costly and time consuming. We lived here 28 years, so have accumulated lots of stuff and it is a beautiful piece of property that I just love, but much to much for this widow to care for.

    My son's and grandson's live 2 hours away and I cannot rely on them to help me sort through my stuff. I have a three story house and four out buildings, one of which is a very large enclosed barn.

    I would appreciate any encouragement and tips for motivation in making this monumental move, to a brand new community, leaving the one I have been in for 37 years. And no I have not had a lot of community/church support and as many of you know widows usually don't ask for help it takes to much energy. I could be my own worst enemy, don't know for sure. HELP!

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  24. I'm afraid something has happened to our dear blogger. Not like her to be absent this long. I wish her and her sons peace.

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  25. I am Mariam used every single spell worker on the internet, spent untold amounts of money and discovered they are all fakes...i was the fool though; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In the end, I decided that I wanted a tarot reading to know what my future held for me; I contacted a woman who lives locally to me and she told me about a man named (Priests Abija); he does not advertise on the internet, has another job for income, has no set prices, makes no false promises and refuses to help anyone that cannot be helped and even helps for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn't mind me advertising his contact on the internet but I'm sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.contact him here as (518) 303-6207 or spirituallighthealing101@live.com He travel sometimes.i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap,love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,HIV AIDS,it's all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
    more.

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  26. Where are you WITM? Your blog helped me a lot through a very difficult time. Just wanted to say thank you for your kindness and your honesty. I hope you're in the safe and loving place you so longed for. Best wishes to you and your sons. You're a truly amazing soul.

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  27. Enjoying your musings. I am just starting a mid-life widow blog on wordpress.com. Ready to launch it this week. I'll send the link soon.

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  28. Good ideas! I have just read your article on "Packing and Packing" and found it very impressive. The article is resourceful and attractive for the readers in the highest level. I must say that I look forward to read more on this topic. Bravo!

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  29. Hope your are well WITM and in a better place. Would love to read your posts soon. Hope your sons are doing well too.

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  30. Something must have happened to this woman, I can't believe she would have just deserted the blog without a peep. Perhaps she died in a car accident or something...

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  31. Hello! I would like to open cosmetology salon. Do you have an experience in this business? There are too many options in beauty salon equipment. Could you give me an advise? What companies are more reliable to buy ipl hair removal home and Ultrasound body massager?

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