Thursday, April 8, 2010

Easter 2010

I had a bit of a downer this Easter. It seems with every "holiday" or special occasion that I feel in a funk. Maybe it was prompted by all the t.v. ads showing intact families frolicking around on hillsides covered with blooming spring flowers. Or the ones showing families out on shopping excursions buying their Easter outfits or racing around searching for hidden eggs. Anyway, I experienced those feelings of loss that come upon me during these times. Feeling incomplete and lonely. Feeling that our little family of three is lacking because of the huge hole that exists with our husband/dad no longer here to fill it and make us the family we once were.

These family portrayals on t.v. and in print advertisements depict the ideal or image of what a family unit is. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce there are many other versions of families out there - it would be nice to sometimes see these real families in ads. And part of me is angry for buying into this fantasy. For feeling bad because my family isn't the "ideal," whatever that is anyway. But I guess that is the whole point of advertising. It makes us want that ideal we don't have. But in my case, I could care less about the pretty shoes or clothes - I want the man and life we all once had - when we could have been that cute family holding hands and skipping down the street in our new spring outfits.

I used to go all out for the boys BW (Before Widowhood). They always received huge baskets filled with toys in addition to candy. This year I picked up a token acknowledgment of the day - they each got a package of Reese's Eggs, a crispy rice chocolate bunny and a cookies & cream bunny - grand total of about $3.50!

Again as with Valentine's Day, when I was out and about, all my eyes seemed to pick up on was families with both parents and kids together or couples. Funny how that seems to happen.

I surely did not expect to get hit with this on Easter. This is a celebration that has other meanings both religious and then spring renewal and all. But I guess underneath those major themes is that of getting together and celebrating as family be it with an egg hunt, church service or brunch out.

As with Valentine's Day, I am finding that once the day passed, my mood improved and I felt less pressure surrounding my heart and soul. We survived it for another year at least.

I do wish these days were not so painful. Everyday has its challenges for us. Everyday a sense of loss is present. But on major holidays/celebrations the ghosts that haunt us seem to be more intense. Which is really kind of a slap in the face because to some extent these events exist in our culture to serve as days to lift our spirits and give us breaks from the tedium of our lives.


  1. Easter sucked here too. All alone.

    The advertising in this country is unrealistic. All you have to do is look at a 'model' and you have to know that there is no way a normal woman looks like that. There is really nothing realistic about advertising. It is all about presentation. Rarely does anything advertised work as well, look as good etc as they represent it will.

    I'm glad you at least got to buy the boys a little something. At least they are of the age when they are close to outgrowing those types of things. Although it is bittersweet because that means they are growing up.

    My boys are skiing in CO. There is a great deal going on there but I won't get into it now. My Dad is really starting to go downhill. My sister in law who is an RN is guessing about a week. You never know, but his kidneys are all but shutdown so it's just a matter of time.

    I did a bunch of yard work on Easter. It was a glorious day weather wise so I took advantage of it. I threw my bathing suit on and mowed the lawn and did a lot of the little things that needed to be done. I've started a new diet and I'm trying to stay positive. Not always easy since yesterday was my wedding anniversary. Today I got off work early and it was still really nice out so I laid out in the sun a while. Just doing something for me felt good.

    I hope the job is going as well as it can. Hopefully you will have a new one in record time. Thinking of you.


  2. Kelly - Thinking of you too. The past week has been kind of strange - no free time. I did worry about you and your Dad. Thank you for updating me. It is tough that your wedding anniversary was recently.

    Even though I know the advertising is unrealistic it still hits me!

    I am so glad you have done a little bit for yourself. I'm working on the diet thing too but haven't been that successful. Being on my feet all day should help a little.

    Trying to go to work and do a decent job there until I find something else. It does help all around that at least the weather is better and winter is laid to rest.

    Please take care in regard to your family situations. I hope we'll chat again soon.

  3. *hugs* I'm sorry Easter was a downer, but glad you were able to get a little something for the boys.