Sunday, April 18, 2010

Closing For Business

I have been doing a lot of contemplation and reflection on stopping this blog. This is due in part to my self-study about The Law of Attraction. I just can't seem to climb out of the pit of my negativity these days. And being positive and optimistic is key to the theory. I am worried that this blog transmits too much negativity out into the world and that is not something I want to be doing.

Basically, after a great deal of introspection, from a combination of grief therapy, self-work, reading and blogging, I have come to the earth-shattering conclusion that widowhood sucks. Which I actually find rather amusing in a way, because when I first started this blog, I wanted the title to be "Widowhood Sucks!" But I decided on the current one because I thought it was too negative and I wanted one more descriptive. So in the end, coming around full circle, all I've gotten from all of this work is the knowledge that I had when I started - that widowhood sucks big time!

My continuing to post about the issues in my life will just be variations on what I've already posted - the loneliness, heartache, physical, mental and emotional fatigue of this experience. I'm not sure that is amounting to good anymore, either for myself or others.

I am thinking about some ideas of where to go from here. Maybe I'll focus more on my experience of having to make a financial comeback in my life. Or the search for love. I am also trying to decide if I should give myself a month to be as miserable as I want to be - totally down and out. Or if I have to force myself to get on the bandwagon of positive thinking and hope. Or maybe I allow myself the misery followed by the hope.

Anyway, closing this down won't happen today or tomorrow because I still have some posts I want to relate about widowhood.

I'm letting the Universe help guide and direct me on this. The other day after I got my taxes filed I went into a local book store down the street from H & R Block. I wanted to check out a book that had been recommended to me. On the way in, one of the sale/last chance books caught my eye. It was a birthday/horoscope book and I flipped to the page with my birth date.

The description informed me that my life's challenge is to overcome my negativity. That my goal in life is to bring good to the world but that I can't do that by focusing on negativity. Now I know that I am a naturally pessimistic person - I've been so even as a little girl. But I found these words a personal message to me. They did serve as a sign since they were so in line what I have been thinking and worrying about.


  1. I hope you continue to blog and let us join you in your search for hope and positive thinking. I want to see you reach for happiness and be successful at it. I know you can.
    Last week I was given the opportunity to review a lovely book on widowhood called Seasons of Solace by Janelle Hertzler. I'll probably be posting more about it on my blog, but I highly recommend it to you and the others of us who are taking this journey. Thiking of you, Thelma

  2. In a positive world there would be no one to sing the blues. What's so good about positive thinking? Where did it get us? Why look at the bright side, you will always be in need of sunglasses.

    Okay, bad humor. If you decide to change directions, then I will be there cheering you on. Consider yourself a survivor. You are still in the game. Good things do happen.

  3. I also hope you continue. For me personally, you have actually contributed a great deal of positivity in the form of helping me to understand my mom, widowed at a young age & having to raise 3 teen-agers. I've posted before about how my mother fell apart & never really seemed to recover. I'm sorry to say my siblings & I have not been as empathetic as we might have been & wondered why our mother couldn't seem to "get better," "be more positive," etc. Now that my mother is in her 60's, I've been trying to be more compassionate, not as resentful in my interactions with her.

    Also, I think you write beautifully & it's such a treat to read well-written prose on the internet!

  4. Thelma - You are always so kind and caring. I will look into the book you noted. Thank you for recommending it.

    Dan - I love your humor and will quote your comment about the sunglasses in the future!

    Anonymous - I kind of like that my negativity has resulted in some positivity for others, like yourself. The irony of that amuses me. But seriously, if this blog helped anyone in anyway that is a good thing.

    It was very nice to receive your compliment on my writing!

  5. So I've been debating on whether to comment, as I just ran across your blog while doing research on widowhood for a paper for my bachelor's program last weekend. The purpose of my paper was to write on a subject out of a list given to me (widowhood was included) that was personal to me. I'm married to a firefighter, and felt that widowhood was probably the most personal given my choices, as I could become a widow any time my husband goes to work. It's an awful way to think but it's the truth. As a perfect stranger, your words spoke to me not so much on an academic level, but just as a human!

    You have an amazing introspect into your thoughts and feelings, and your writing is amazing. Your writing comes across verbally if that makes sense. I hope you continue your writing even if you feel like you're being negative, you know as well as I that writing your thoughts out is a good form of release. (I'm a psych major working on my bachelor's right now, and am actually going for my master's in school counseling. Which was another reason that your blog caught my eye when I read your profile). Regardless, I wish you the best of luck, and though I'm a complete stranger, I'll be cheering you on as well. :)

  6. Oh, and just so you don't think I'm some random reader..I do blog when I have time...LOL which I haven't in about 100 days! But here is a link to my blog..I hope to respark this one soon. :)

  7. Colette - It is so nice to receive compliments even when it relates to something negative. Thank you for taking the time to comment about my writing. I do so for the therapeutic effect for myself and the hopes that someone may benefit.

    Good luck with your psych. program - I can fully understand why your blog has remained dormant, with all those papers you have to write for class and all!