Sam was kind enough to call me again to rehash all of this. He had 15 minutes before work started for him. He said he cannot see us moving if we are all going to be miserable. He is worried that the boys WILL fail at the new school and the problems that would then result. He said we are trying to work out the best solution for all of us and that it would probably be better to revisit the move at the end of the school year. He agrees that our trial run in Dec. did make him now hesitant to get married but does not want to end our relationship... He said he will try to send approx. $200.00 monthly to help out in addition to covering our cell phone bill. He wishes he could provide more but cannot do so. Sam also pointed out that some married couples live out-of-state and others work through situations like ours because of school issues with the kids. He admitted the schools in the new town are not as good as what the boys are use to and he understands the difficulties in moving.
Hearing all of this just makes me want to move because I don't want to lose such a stand-up guy. I feel we are right for one another but I suppose the timing and circumstances are not. Sam told me he does not think it is in my heart to make the move right now. I told him if I have to choose it would be to move because of him but he does not want to make ultimatums. Nor does he feel that the turmoil that is going on right now serves as a good foundation in which to start a marriage.
In a way, I am now having my cake and eating it too. Being able to stay back so the boys can attend school here but not being able to live with Sam and start our lives under one roof is a terrible price to pay and I am not dancing in the street with joy. There would be sadness, regret, pain and loss whichever decision the two of us came too. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much and that no one road was a win-win for us. Both decisions involved loss and sacrifice.