Friday, May 20, 2011


I have not been able to blog the past week due to a computer virus that didn't allow me to access the internet. Luckily, my oldest, was able to download an anti-virus program and our service was restored.

Last night, was the long-awaited Senior Farewell Band Concert which debuted my oldest son's original band composition. I will post on that separately as it was a very special moment worthy of its own recognition. In this post I will relate some personal comments that I don't want part of that.

My sister and close girlfriend attended the concert with me. FINALLY, after all these years, I wasn't alone in the audience! My sister commented that she has never believed me when I've told her that there aren't any parents sitting alone at our high school events. She was going to point out a man and women she saw alone, until she looked again, and saw that their respective spouses had arrived late. She admitted that there weren't any people alone in the audience, save one man I stopped to chat with who was reading "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."

She also acknowledged after the concert how polite, respectful and loving my sons are. She noted that my oldest was so modest and without an ego, despite huge amounts of praise bestowed upon him by the band director, parents and fellow students. He made a point of hugging my sister and referring to her as his aunt. She told me that she has to remind her two children to interact with adults, thank people and so on.

One of the highlights of the evening for me, besides the enormous pride I felt for my son, was when my sister said, "You raised your sons well. You raised your sons well, on your own." That little bit of recognition has been a long-time in coming. I think that most widows would appreciate acknowledgment of their feelings, and their reality. Also, a pat or two on the back for getting through some difficult and trying life situations.

My family would tend to downplay my reality - "It can't be that bad." "Other single moms are out there handling their lives. what's wrong with you?" "You focus too much on the negative." "There can't be so few single parents where you live."

Simply accepting my observations at face value rather than trying to contradict my reality would have been appreciated. Also, some praise at how I was coping, evolving and raising my sons on my own would have been a positive boost to my morale and self-esteem. Even late in coming, finally hearing some of these words was meaningful to me.


  1. Glad you're back online! It is sad that someone has to "see" with their own eyes what you have been sharing about for all these years. It is sad that your family would not take your word for it and downplay your life. I am pleased that they finally "see" the reality and acknowledge that you were right; but more importantly, that you have done an amazing job raising your sons and hanging in there when many could have given up. Congratulations to you!!!!!!! YOU did it!!!!

  2. Congratulations to you and to your sons. You should be very proud of what you and they have accomplished.

  3. I am not a widow, but I always went alone to these things. My husband just wasn't into it.

    In fact, my husband and I live very separate lives when it comes to our interests. I think our marrage works because we do our own thing.

  4. This is so good to hear. You deserve these kudos for making an extraordinary impact in your sons' lives. Also, Kudos for who YOU are, with or without your sons. You are a spiritually attractive woman, who knits and writes and offers her wisdom, and fears, and hopes on this blog. You're the best!

  5. Nice to see you back! You did good mom! I'll never forget the day my son said, "Thanks mom for being so strict, sober, and not a drug user." WOW. It is so wonderful when it all starts hitting them and others notice!

  6. Thanks everyone for your kind comments and words of praise and support.