Bad news - the monthly cost of health insurance at my new job would cost me $764.56, although there is a rate increase April 1st, so the cost will more likely be $789.56. For all practical purposes, $800.00! Had I known this, I would never have accepted this job. I need a job with benefits because I am the sole parent and bread winner. It makes no sense to me to work a very hard, challenging, back breaking job being paid $10.00 hourly, to not receive some sort of benefits. As it stands, if I keep working this job I'll have to get my health insurance somewhere/somehow and I will mainly be working for that. Once taxes are taken out, gas, car insurance and maintenance, I'll be working for practically nothing. I'll end up being an exhausted mom, suffering physically and mentally. Leaving at 5:30 a.m. on the days I have worked has already been a strain on the boys, although we've all survived and it would become easier.
Bottom line - I am not in a position to work myself ragged. This would be a non-issue if I were married. But I'm not and at this point I have to hold out for something better for all of us. That or I really need to get back out there and start dating again so I can possibly meet a man interested in marriage. Because that ultimately is what I am beginning to believe is my only hope to a better life.
There is that saying that Jesus so loved the widows and orphans. I have not seen any evidence of that. At one point today I broke down in tears. I just need to get my footing back for a little while. I can't seem to get a grip on any smooth, even and safe surface. I just keep slipping down. I can't seem to catch a break but not for lack of trying. I thought taking this short-term CNA program would help get my foot back in the door. Or are all employers these days not offering their employees benefits? I've always thought that people work full-time for the benefits. And that employers try to provide some benefits to draw and maintain decent employees.
Maybe I've been out of the work force too long. I don't know anymore. I know that my husband received our health insurance for nothing and Sam only pays $90.00 a month for his family coverage.
I've thought two sad things today. One, that it would have been better if I had died and not my husband. He had a very high paying job and would have been able to better provide for the boys than I have. Second, fantasies of dying flitted about in my mind. What a relief to not have to worry and deal with any of this stressful crap anymore. But I don't believe my poor boys deserve anymore hardship. So it is probably better that the boys have at least one parent around. Granted, a poor parent but one attending their sporting events and making them dinner. One making sure there is health insurance coverage and looking out for their well being when no one else seems to be too concerned about their welfare.
It is hard to be optimistic because I feel I'm back at square one again. I'm a distressed mom craving an ounce of relief. I'm willing to work but not for nothing. I have to present to the Universe that my time, energy and skills are worth more than nothing. But how much more time do I have to wait for that? I think the widow has earned it.
And I'm still sick! I can't seem to kick it. And now my oldest has it and it pretty miserable. This makes me all the more aware of how much we need health insurance. Being sick drives the issue home.
Here are the options at this point -
1. Not work at this job and be able to have "free" health insurance coverage for the boys and I
2. Continue with this job but lose the health insurance from the state and basically be working just for the insurance
3. Ditch this job, keep the state insurance for the time being and keep looking for a job with better benefits