Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Light at the End of the Tunnel

My emotions were stirred up taking my oldest to the train station for his trip back to college for second semester. One semester, his first, already completed successfully! How quickly it went. Now he has started the new term, and for my youngest, it is his final semester of high school! Woo hoo!

If we could get through the first semester, then it makes sense that this second one will be gotten through too.

I decided to not drive my son back to school when his roommate called him mid-week to inquire when we'd be leaving. Another buddy also called with the same question. I asked my son how these boys would be getting back to school if I didn't drive. My son replied that they'd take the train. I felt somewhat upset that these young men were assuming I would be driving them all when they come from two-parent homes and can well afford the $70.00 gas price it would cost for the trip. I thought about the 8 long hours on the road, 4 on my own, in the cold January night. If the two-parent families weren't driving their sons back, heck no would I be driving them all back myself! It felt good to assert myself and put my widow foot down.

This start of second semester is a very significant moment for us as a family. It represents the final hurdle in the long and trying journey of an only parent focusing on getting her kids out of high school and onto their college careers. This is the turn in the road my eyes have been on the past 8 years. It means I can finally move to a more affordable location because I won't have to stay in this upper-middle-class suburb where my sons have been raised and where I wanted them to see their educations completed, pre-school through high school.

It is almost seen through! Almost over! Almost time for me to have an opportunity to go back to school for career updating; to not be so stressed about money (paying the rent); to maybe have the time and energy to devote to establishing new friendships; to maybe being able to take a weekend trip somewhere. Yippee! I can almost feel and taste my new life and all the good stuff lying ahead. How I wish we didn't have this final semester to go. I'd love to just be able to jump over, like a game piece, the next few months... But if I envision the next few months as a game board, then I can visualize each day completed as a step closer to May. Way back in August, I started the game and now am halfway there. The end of this chapter is in sight.


  1. Here's to life settling down to a calmer pace for you--a new home--a new life as your young men start out on theirs. I can still remember coming here to read your blog and the worries you had. Now...just look at you!!! Now I start my widow's walk and the financial worries of years ago have come back to me. But--we can only go forward--ever forward!!!

  2. I am happy for you that you see the light and it's getting brighter and brighter. I wish you the VERY BEST on your upcoming endeavors. You've done a great job with you sons and you will do well in whatever you do!

  3. I too am cheering you on. I have been a new reader of your blog and you are an inspiration to me. This widowhood road is crummy and whenever we have something exciting to look forward to, we have to cheer! Thank you for your honesty in your posts they have been very helpful to me.

  4. Thank you all, for such kind and encouraging words. Widowhood has been a pretty tough road for me and I'm depleted and worn out now, but trying to hang on for the last final hurdle and push. Believe me, I will be one happy woman when Spring arrives.