Monday, June 7, 2010

Two Songs, One Night

Saturday I watched a PBS special on Peter, Paul & Mary. It is a group that I grew up with but have since pretty much taken for granted. Seeing footage of the war demonstrations and March on Washington brought back a surge of memories. One of the facts that most impressed me that I didn't know was that Paul wrote "There is Love" (The Wedding Song) in honor of Peter's wedding. He felt that the song had been "given" to him to compose as a gift. Thus he never received any royalties for the song. He considered the song his gift to the world. Some kind of charitable trust was set up in lieu of the royalties. Now that just blew me away!

First of all, I'd forgotten how great the song is. The words to this verse especially hit me:

"Is it love that brings you here or love that brings you life?
For if love is the answer then who's the giving for?
Do you believe in something that you've never seen before?
Oh, there's love. There is love."

Hearing the song just reaffirmed all that I believe about love since my husband died. It is what brings us here and it is what brings us life. It is the answer and the reason. It's unseen power is the fuel of the world. I felt moved, motivated and inspired by this song. It was a gift to hear!

Later in the night, I started to watch Saturday Night Live which was a rerun from the 1/9/10 show. I'd already seen that show but something propelled me to watch it again. When I heard the song Alicia Keys sang I remembered being blown away back in January. I had made a mental note to get the CD but then forgot about it. Alicia sang "Sleeping With A Broken Heart" and if you haven't heard it, the lyrics relate so much to my widowed feelings of heartache.

"Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me

And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time, you were telling me lies

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the time that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tired sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown
You made my body feel heaven bound
Why don't you hold me, need me?
I thought you told me you'd never leave me

Looking at the sky, I can see your face
And then I know right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love with you
Right 'til the end


Anybody could've told you right from the start it's 'bout to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream, I'll just hold on to love
And I can find a way to make it, don't hold on too tight
I'll make it without you tonight


I did a lot of crying on Saturday. Tears for the power of love I continue to believe in. And for the loss of loves and the sadness of sleeping with a broken heart. I was just stuck by the opposite continuum of these two emotions. Trying to remain hopeful that love will continue in my life, while grieving the loss of love. A knowing that I was meant to hear those songs on Saturday. To find consolation, solace and hope in them. To continue to believe in love. As Alicia so beautifully put, "I'm going to hold on to the time that we had." "So rather than hold on to a broken dream, I'll just hold on to love."


  1. I'm a widow too, and sometimes it is helpful to take responsibility and not be such a damn victim. It's great the woman took the weight off, she was FAT, but come on six years. Get a grip girl. Parent your kids, get a job, lose the flab, get a clue.

  2. As Jillian said in the first episode, sometimes life derails people or sets them off course and unfortunately for whatever combination of reasons, they lack the ability to get themselves back on track. I have found that time doesn't make all things better - in fact, for some us life gets worse! We need to lose the time heals all things mentality. The finger always points at what people don't do - we need to point it more at all they have done - and this woman deserves some credit for doing the best she could to go on following the untimely death of her husband leaving her with a four and six year old.