It's sometimes hard not to get overly caught up and dwell on my own worries and concerns. I try and give myself a break because there is a lot of stress and turmoil going on with my life right now and my life sure isn't easy. How can I not worry and despair? It's part and parcel of my life at this time, pretty unavoidable.
But I still think that widowhood has increased my selfishness to an extent. Not having a partner to be a sounding board and helpmate gives me an awful amount of time to engage in self-rumination. Blogging is also a pretty self-indulgent activity. It does come down to "me, me, me" much of the time. Is that a bad thing? I question my selfishness and don't like it but then I realize that I really don't have anything to give to anyone besides my sons anyway. Then I consider all my years of volunteering and working in social services and I tell myself it is okay to concentrate on myself right now.
Widowhood has seemed to shrink my world. I no longer have a husband to consider and devote attention to. I know there are many, many others out there feeling the pain of grief and loss and struggling financially but a part of me remains disconnected since I am so in need myself.
I'm reflecting on my sidebar, where I relate that what really matters is love. And that is today's topic. It is all about love. The love that comes from inside us can be released and multiply into a universal energy if let it. If we make that our goal. It totally starts from each of us within. It is a spark that can erupt into a flame.
I say do all things with love, think all things with love, be love. I truly believe that but yet I lose sight of that in the day to day struggles of survival and getting by on my own. I need to remember and be more conscious of this belief. Love will rule out or at least soften anger. So if I am upset and crabby and can feel those emotions with an ounce of love for myself, that pain to myself and what I transmit to the world will be lessened.
Even in the face of hardship and difficulty I can choose to think about and react to most every conceivable situation with love. All this summer I struggled so much with feelings of resentment and envy toward other moms my age and in my community seemingly living easier and happier lives. I could have turned that energy over to love by concentrating on being more self-nurturing instead of trying to obtain external validation. This great concept is the brainchild of Julie who recently suggested it to me in her comments about an earlier post. Pure genius! The act of soothing my internal pain would have most likely helped extinguish some of the bitterness I was experiencing at the time. Just one example of how love can heal and that healing lead to being able to love others in addition to ourselves - the ultimate goal - to spread and sow the seeds of love to the best of our abilities, each and every day. Even being aware of our shortcomings and trying to work on them helps. We all need to refocus, regroup and recommit to our goals.
Today, I pledge to do my best to honor what I have learned about love, to make it the driving force of my spirit and being in and to all things.
I think this is a very wise post. I know when I feel envy or resentment of others around me, I try to remember that we are all human, all frail. We may have different life circumstances, but when you feel negative thoughts burbling up, if you try to accept and forgive and love instead, you will love yourself more, you will love life more. (Wow, do I sound preachy! Still, seriously, it is a simple lesson but one worth reflecting on periodically and reminding yourself about a hundred times a day! I often forget....so thanks for the reminder!) --ARB
ReplyDeleteARB - Thought it was a good message for us all to be reminded of today of all days. And no, I don't think you sounded preachy at all. I liked the way you put it of acceptance/forgiveness = loving yourself more = loving life more.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really nice read. Bitterness is so easy to come by when others in fact do have better/easier lives. I think we can't help but feel the bitterness coming to the surface. I suppose it can be used as our self reminder to nurture that part of us that feels hurt or alone.
ReplyDeleteGood writing.
Thanks Dan, as always.
ReplyDeleteI think your comment about self-nurturing is so important. No matter how you choose to, I hope you do something for yourself each day. 9/11 is a wonderful time to think about being good to ourselves and others and sending love into the world. Take care,
ReplyDeleteThelma Z
www.widowsphere.blogspot.com
Is that me, wow thanks for the mention!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to think of the self-nurture thing more myself as I think it has slipped a bit lately. I have small rituals that I do that reminds me that I am worthwhile. Like, I decided that I am not going out in public unless I have done my hair and makeup. This reminds me that I am worth the effort, and to put my best face to the world at all times. When I go to events with the children, I dress to impress, not for others but again to put value on myself.
I have been reminding my children recently that they are going to have 'fabulous' lives, and as their mother I have a role to model that behaviour and expectation.
Recently though I have been slack and have looked in the mirror at work and realised I came to work without makeup. That's probably a symptom of my depression, so I am making an effort to not let that slip.
Anyway, that is quite a rant, and I'm not sure it is helpful. Just a reminder that each action we take is important and small things can make a difference to the way we feel.
Love as always!
Julie
Seeds sown with love bloom more brightly.
ReplyDeleteJulie - It was a mention to you and I have to say, that your comments to me are usually very inspiring and lead me to some self-insight I didn't have before. Anyway, I too used to take more time on the appearance aspect of my makeup and clothing but that has slipped with me doing all that work with the storage sheds. I'd spend so much time there and be so dirty but still have to run out to the store. It got to the point where I didn't really care how I looked out in public. But what I've realized is that the better I look, and the more time I spend on my appearance, the higher my mood is so it is worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteWe just all have to do the best we can and not beat up on ourselves for the times when we don't have as much energy to be stronger.
Thelma - Thank you for your comment. I truly believe that all of us need to be kinder and more nurturing to ourselves and that we forget this in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.
Jude - What a sweet saying! I will keep these words in my mind - short, simple and easy to remember.