I said "No" this week. On Wednesday, my day off, I spent the ENTIRE day taking care of taxes (mine and the boys'). There were complications. My H & R Block guy had to reschedule the next appointment after me because we needed more time. Thursday I was supposed to go to a volunteer church activity with my girl friend but I didn't want to go. I was tired from the tax ordeal and kept looking around my home space in dismay. I just can't seem to rustle up the time to tend to home duties. Now why would I be volunteering my valuable time to give to others when I can't even take care of my own needs?On that same note I told Sam I couldn't come to see him over the weekend. When I go to see him it is a break and fun but I come home to everything I left undone and it creates a lot of stress. So he is going to come for Easter.
Everything takes so much time - laundry, housework, cooking, cleaning. I have told myself that I have to focus on taking care of the home front first and foremost. No more running away for play time. That is a hard one, because of course we need free time and enjoyment. But I need to get some aspects of my life together and squared away and as a widowed mom, the only way that is going to happen is if I do concentrate on work for the time being. The playing can come later.
I don't often say "No." But I have to in order to preserve my sanity and move onward. There is that double standard thing going on though. When I assert myself and stick up for myself I'm often criticized and told I'm not organized or strong enough - that something is deficient with me. I won't play the game anymore. Thursday and Friday were so busy at work. I was tired both days. After work on Friday I went to my absolutely most favorite place in the world to go - Walmart - to pick up my son's prescription for acne medication. Every month I go through some major conflict getting this script filled and yesterday was no different. I ended up spending two hours in the Walmart (I will spare you the details). I hadn't had lunch and was starving. I considered buying a candy bar or something. I didn't get home until after 5:00. So for those out there constantly pointing a finger at me, I put up my hands and say, a big "NO more."
"No" is a good thing. It is setting up boundaries for yourself to bring balance in your life. I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself -- don't listen to the criticism, they are ignorant people who can't possibly get what it is like to be in your shoes. You keep going and do what's best for you, but don't give up too much of the fun stuff. You deserve it -- You NEED it!
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers. Congrats on keeping up with the A-Z challenge. You are doing a WONDERFUL job!!!!
:D
I totally understand the struggle to "no". I deal with that all the time. But as I get older it becomes easier. I look at it this way. Saying no to others means I am saying yes to me!
ReplyDeleteSometimes we forget that it is ok to say "No!"
ReplyDeleteRecharging is really important to being healthy and happy...
Everytime you say "No" to something, pat yourself on the back and run with it!
I ditto what umbrellalady said. We don't have to always measure up, even to our own expectations. Being 'good enough' is just FINE.
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