Lost Time

Here is a funny story. Well, not so funny too. I was going through old mail and came across a brochure for a weekend singles religious retreat. I kept thinking about it and decided to attend and became very excited about the opportunity. The group was for singles over 35 and although I thought I might be one of the older ones attending I was really looking forward to thoughtful Biblical study in front of a roaring fire and taking part of the free time activities offered including sledding and ice hockey. I was especially excited about the sledding part.

I went on line to register and saw that the registration was closed. But checking my calendar saw that I was still within the time period for registration. I figured that maybe the event was filled and decided to call the church after work to see if there was still a way I could attend.

When I got to work I realized that instead of it being the 19th of January, which for whatever reason was the date I thought it was, it was actually the 26th! The retreat registration was closed because the retreat had already occurred - last weekend! Where was/is my head? Part of me was questioning the dates with my mind thinking that it actually was later in the month. But somehow with all that was happening mid-month I lost a week.

I bring this up to shed light on the fact that those dealing with loss do suffer from strange mental relapses. Our minds are on overload trying to cope with grief AND manage the daily events of living which just don't stop. Yet the world expects us to continue functioning on all gears when some of the gears are shut down.

I can laugh at this strange occurrence but I do feel sad that I lost an opportunity to attend an event that would have been I am sure a good experience. It makes me realize that I'm ready to venture more out into the world and to start living much more actively than I have been. Or maybe its not that I am ready, it is just with the boys being older and more independent that I have the opportunity to start venturing out more. There will be other retreats and I will continue to meet more people.

I attended the knit club last night and am amazed at how much good it is doing me and how much I look forward to it all week long. I am knitting more and have met some interesting women. Last night one of the women asked me why I hadn't been more active on internet dating sites and I told her that when I've been on them, very few men have responded with interest to me. She was surprised and said she had a hard time believing that because I am "absolutely adorable!" I don't think anyone has ever described my looks like that - it must be my new cute haircut and glasses. The other week one of the women remarked that I look like a younger woman's sister who is very cute. I asked this young and pregnant woman how old she is guessing she was 31, which indeed she was. My comment back was how much of a compliment that was since I am 20 years this woman's senior at 51! And to be told that we could be sisters.

Those compliments on my appearance are so appreciated and needed. I don't get much feedback on how I really look and it was a huge boost to my ego. Makes me walk with an extra spring in my step and smile at the world more. I definitely see how much I have been missing not having social time out with the girls or a strong social network in which to interact with. We all need to hear compliments, to be told our knitted cowl neck warmer looks great, to hear we made someone's day... Better late than never. I have to cut myself some slack and to realize that with all that has gone on in my life it wasn't that possible to enter out socially until now. The time is now right and I am ready too. Both have to be in sync.